Inactive Mode

I have recently moved into my new residence and there's no internet connection available at the moment. I'll be more inactive than before in my postings.

I apologize and thank everyone for bearing with me. I will try my best to get my own internet, but it won't be anytime soon.

Until I come up with a solution for my problem, I hope you guys don't miss me too much for my absence.

XD

Sign Language Can Be Entertaining

Just a little something I want to share with everyone.



Check out other videos by this user, they're quite entertaining!

30 Years

"Where do you see yourself in 30 years from now?"

That was the question from my Russian Language teacher. We came across this composition where a nephew found his deceased uncle's high school essay in which he was supposed to write what he thought would've happen 30 years later. His uncle wrote about himself getting married with his high school crush, working together, having two kids, etc.. Unfortunately, things did not turn out the way he wanted to as he was killed in WW II.

Anyway, let's get back to the topic.

As I have mentioned earlier, my teacher made us wrote essays in which we have to tell what we think would happen to us 30 years from now. As I held up my pen and started to write, I realised that I was stuck. I couldn't think of anything. My mind was blank.

10 minutes have passed, and I've only managed to write two lines, in Russian. Well, my Russian Language has never been that good, but even if I were to write it in English, the outcome would've been the same. 20 minutes later, I was still on the same line. Besides becoming a doctor and hopefully a specialist in Psychiatry, I couldn't think of anything more to write. Earn big bucks? Own big house(s) and BMWs?

Noticing that I haven't written much on the paper 30 minutes after she initially given us the task, my teacher knew I wasn't going to write any more. So she came to me and said:

"Now, why not you just put the pen down and we can do it verbally. I see that you haven't written much, and I don't think that you're going to write more even if I give you another hour."

At this moment, I panicked. I wasn't expecting this, but I knew I had no choice because I was the one who obviously seem to be not writing anything at all. So I put the pen down on my desk, looked at her, and gave a tiny smile. She looked at me, inhaled, and then proceeded to bombard me with tonnes of questions.

"Where do you see yourself in 30 years from now? Do you have plans to specialize? Do you have plans to own a hospital of your own? Do you want to own houses and cars? Will your parents be living with you? What about your own family, kids?"

Managed to answer all her questions with some corrections in my grammar. Overall, it was OK, though I wasn't quite sure if I'll be driving a BMW 5 series or a Perodua Kancil. Well, that and if I'm going to have a family of my own. I'm very fond of kids, and I do wish to have my own, but I wasn't quite sure about "the other half". Worse case scenario, adoption?

Then again, 2039 is still very, very far away. Right now, I have to concentrate on my studies, get my degree, hopefully survive the internship and specialize in something I'm really interested in. Then I'll start thinking of saving the first million Rupiah Ringgit, the dream home, dream car, and also, the family.

Bits #1

I have been having a sore throat since two Fridays ago and it has manifested into both cough and flu. My nose has stopped dripping mucus like running water from a tap but there's no sign of the cough leaving anytime soon. If they say sit-ups don't help build your abdominal muscles, try coughing. Hard. It's been a week since I started coughing and each time I work up a cough, my abdominal and serratus muscles hurt as though I'm putting them on some hardcore exercise. Give me another week of coughing and I'll get to see my six-packs again. But before you start imagining me with a six-pack, do know that I have six-packs due to the fact that I'm slim and not the fact that I workout.

It's five degrees Celsius here in Moscow and I have my window open but I feel very hot. It's five freaking degrees and I'm actually sweating. My body's screwed up.

Why has no one ever drank Milo after workout instead of protein shakes? In one packet of Milo Fuze(30g), there's more than 4g of protein. That's like a lot right? Try substituting the amount of protein powder you consume a day with Milo, I bet Milo has more protein than shakes! Leaving the caloric values aside, the main reasons why people should consume Milo is that Milo 'brings out the champion in you' and also makes you 'go further'!

I have stopped stalking Sam on Facebook for more than a week now and I think it's a very huge accomplishment, though at times I still have the urge to view his profile and to send him messages.

I've been talking to the ex the past few days and learnt that she went through a lot of things recently. Suddenly felt distant for we had told one another more than once that if we were to ever face difficult situations, we should always let the other one know so that we could work things out. If I did not initiate the conversation, I don't think I'll ever find out about it.

Well, that's it for now, the collection of bits of my life which if blogged independently will be nothing more than just short notes that look meaningless.

Although I don't think putting them all in a single entry would make it mean any more.


P/S: After publishing the post and actually read it on my blog page, I realize that this entry makes no sense at all. I guess I just needed a place to vent. Too many things are happening in life now and I'm trying to cope.

Kill The Lights

I'm sure by now everyone knows about 'Earth Hour'. So, the next Earth Hour will be taking place this Saturday, 28th March 2009 at 2030 hours, local time.

I'm glad both Malaysia and Russia are involved in this activity, although this afternoon was my first time seeing the poster for Earth Hour 2009 in a metro. I think the Russian authorities should have done more publicity on this activity and done it much earlier. Less than a week to Earth Hour and only one poster? Maybe they have posters in the city, I don't know(I rarely go to the city centre now because I no longer have classes anywhere near there), but I have my reservations. After all, Russia only started acknowledging WWF in these recent years. But still, it's better than not joining, right? Russia's the biggest country on earth and I'm sure with its participation in this activity, the amount of energy saved in an hour will be significant.

That is if many people support it lah.

Anyway, in the Malaysian Earth Hour website, there's a list of landmarks which we can vote to go dark on that day. Too bad there's no option for Stadium Putra, Bukit Jalil. Farenheit's having their concert there on the same day, and starts only 30 minutes earlier than Earth Hour! I wonder what happens if Stadium Putra decides to turn off the lights for an hour on that day.

So, Earth Hour 2009. 28th March at 8:30PM local time. Are you on or off?

Encephalopathy - II

Who knew, there's actually a sequel to the previous post!

My greatest apologies for leaving my previous post hanging because I was too tired to continue writing that night(early morning?).

Let's continue from where I've left off, shall we?

I'd say that friendship and family ties are the things I treasure most, though my mom always says that I spend more time with my friends and that I actually treat my friends better than I treat my family. I say it's pure jealousy. =p

But what's life without love? My friends love me, my family loves me, I know. But being a greedy person, I wish to be loved by more than just these people. You know, to be loved by that special someone. That very person who shares more that just common interests. That very person who loves you unconditionally, who holds your hands when you both are out, who kisses you goodbye when you go to work/class, who goes through thick and thin of life with you. That very person whom you can go to bed cuddling and wake up next to in the morning.

That perfect other half who completes you.

It's been several lonely nights. In Malaysia, even though I have the whole room to myself at night, I don't feel lonely at all because I have my family's and my friends' companies in the day, and there are just too many activities going on that I don't even have the time to feel lonely. For the past two-and-a-half years here in Moscow, life had been great too because I was lucky to have great roommates.

If only the third year could be as great.

Few days ago, my roommate moved out of our current residence into another, leaving me and my other two blockmates behind. The first night, I felt kinda relieved some way because this is the first time in three years where I get to have the whole room to myself. I could do anything I want, I can sleep anytime I want without having to worry that the lights would wake my roommate up, and having my sleep uninterrupted. But now, these things don't seem to matter that much anymore. Nothing beats a lonely man sitting in his room facing four walls with no one to talk to.

And at times like this, the non-existence of 'the other half' only makes things worse.

Hah.

Anyway, enough of sad, depressing talks. Let's move on to the more cheerful part of me.

Guess what? I almost spend RM500 on shopping today. Luckily, I only spent RM300 in the end. I think it's the fact that I've only withdrawn the money from the ATM just yesterday(!) and the fear that if I spend too much money my dad's not gonna put anymore money into my bank account till summer that stopped me from splurging.

But RM180 for a pair of boots and a winter jacket! I'm such a loser for not buying but I'd rather be a loser than starve and die. Lol. But if I charge it on the piece of plastic, I'll have both the items AND cash, no?

Darn, if only my mind was clearer then!

Before I end my post, I would like to share parts of conversations which I had with several friends on different occasions which happen to be about the same topic.

Friend#1: Why ah you always buy GQ? What do they have in there?
Me: Er, cos it's like the ONLY men's fashion magazine in Russia?
Friend#1: HUH? Got men's fashion magazines one meh?!

Friend#2: Eh, you're buying GQ again! I've never seen this magazine before, what's it about?
Me: Um, about men's fashion?
Friend#2: Lemme see, lemme see. Wah, so many good looking guys in here! Some of them very hot too! But why ah guys buy such magazines?
Me: Huh? Cos it's about men's fashion?
Friend#2: I don't get it. Why men's magazines only got mens' pics? I thought usually lots of girls' pics?
Me: HUH? This is a fashion magazine, not Playboy.
Friend#3: Hey #2, you didn't know our friend here is gay? That's why he's reading this lah.
Me: WTF. One does not need to be gay to read GQ! Does that mean details is for gay men too?? And I'm not gay!
Friends#2,3: details? Apa tu(What's that)?

Friend#4: Wah, you buy GQ again! I always ask you to lend me to read but you never did! What's it about anyway?
Me: It's men's fashion magazine la. You know, there's Vogue and L'Officiel and Harper's Bazaar for the ladies, right? GQ is the same, just that they're for men.
Friend#4: Oh, but why keep buying lah?
Me: You don't buy Vogue and all??
Friend#4: In Malaysia I buy la. In Russia, for what?
Me: Just because you're in Russia doesn't mean you don't read magazines!
Friend#4: But it's not like we could understand everything they write!
Me: You don't read a fashion magazine, you look!

Encephalopathy

OK, maybe that's too strong a word to use but I do think that I'm suffering from brain injury.

Literally that is.

(Tried 'hyperfunction of the brain' but there wasn't any matching result)

I've been thinking for a very long time now, about myself, relationships, my future, and also very minor things such as getting a new bedspread and getting a new hair colour.

I can't help but think about all sorts of relationships. Family ties, friendships, love. From young, my siblings and I have been taught to appreciate all our relatives(be it my uncles, my aunts, grandparents, cousins) because they're the closest to family after my parents and siblings. I'm glad we were brought up in such a way because many, if not most, of my friends don't share such a close relationship with their relatives. My cousins and I grew up together. We used to play masak-masak when we were young, and when we got older, we would go to the cinemas for movies, hang out in McD's(somehow, they aren't fans of Sri Murni or any other mamak of that sort), or just walk around in malls. Now that we're adults, most of us are scattered all around the world, some to pursue higher education, and some to work for a better living. We may not be able to see each other that often anymore now but thank God there are Facebook, MSN and also Skype to keep us connected.

Friendship used to be something I treasure very much because they're sweet like cotton candies but as we grow up, we're exposed to the ugly truths. Turns out, friendships aren't as innocent as I thought they were, and definitely not as sweet! When we were young, friends seem to be everything to us, because they're always there when we need them, they're trustworthy, reliable, and most importantly, they will never betray you. But then again these things only happen because we were kids. We were stupid.

It's so hard to open up to people these days without worrying that they'll use these information against you in the future. It's hard to trust people because they're hypocrites, two-faced. Tell them a secret at 10am and the whole world will know about it by 10:05am. So much for being 'friends'. And it's even harder to please everyone you know, because everyone thinks differently from you. Say you're friends with A and B, but A and B don't like one another. Imagine being in the same class with both of them five days a week. You're considered lucky if you are still sane by weekend because you'd to endure listening to all the bad-mouthing about one another the whole week. And you're really damn lucky because they didn't make you pick a side to stand. If they do, might as well ask them to put a bullet in your head.

The things we have to go through as adults. Sigh.

iStrip

OK, that sounds wrong but that's what I saw on the net!

On Apple's App Store, to be precise.

Just few days back, I was browsing the iTunes Store in hope of getting a Russian-English dictionary so that I don't have to drag my very thick dictionary everywhere I go. Especially not in the cold winters!

Being a cheapskate person, the first section I browsed was the 'Top Free Apps'. I've always known that no one in this world is kind enough to spend so much effort on a mobile dictionary and putting it up on the net to be downloaded for free, but deep down I've also been hoping that there are such kind persons on earth. Maybe not putting it up for free but probably make it work in a way such that the dictionary can only be accessed when it's connected to the net? That way people get to choose to either pay a price to use the dictionary offline or use the free version by connecting to the net.

Anyway, back to iStrip. I cannot believe my eyes when this App is actually in the top ten of the free Apps category! I don't know about you but I don't see how anyone can be 'entertained' by a 3D figure stripping in an iPhone or iPod. Not to mention the stains when things become messy. I'd never trade my precious iPod for temporary pleasure.

Heck, that's not even pleasure to begin with!

After several futile attempts to get a freeware, I gave up and went searching for the dictionary in the paid Apps category. And many different types of dictionaries did I find. Everything's about business huh?

So, if you guys have the free time, just go to the iTunes Store and you'll be fascinated by the amount of useless Apps they have there. And while you're at it, check out iGirl-At Your Command and iFart too.

We're Dunzo

It's been a year.

The very first time I looked at you, you were angel to my eyes. I thought that we could give us both a chance, a chance to make our lives better.

We tried, and we tried. People around us think that we're not meant for one another but we didn't care. We tried.

But the truth always prevails. It was only a short course of six months and I've started feeling bored spending time with you. We both knew I was the problem. I tend to become bored of something very fast, and it's just a matter of time before I set my eyes on something else. I started seeing you less, and I even skipped several dates just to avoid the question.

"Are we breaking up?"

I wanted to but I just couldn't bring myself to tell you that. It's not like you'd approve anyway.

Another six months passed, and finally, we sat down and talked about the problem between us. We both agreed that we weren't meant for one another, and that no matter how much we both try, we'll never turn out the way we want it to be. It's too late. We couldn't buy the time we've lost, but we surely can have better lives if we let one another go.

It was a hard decision to make, but we finally decided that letting one another go would be the best choice for the both of us. You could search for someone that genuinely loves you, and I could reassess myself so that I do not make the same mistake in the future.

We may not be the best match, but it wasn't all too bad having you as company for the past year. At least you never complain, Microbiology!

Metrosexualo

A metrosexual: is a modern, usually single man who's cool, smart, attractive, taking care of his appearance, cultured and up to date with the latest styles, that confuses some guys when it comes to his sexuality. But he's so secure in his masculinity that he doesn't care.

I think that's the best description of 'metrosexual' I've ever come across. I'm very familiar with 'modern', 'taking care of his appearance' and 'confuses some guys when it comes to his sexuality' but to include 'he's so secure in his masculinity that he doesn't care' really takes the word 'metrosexual' to a higher level.

But then again, people would label metrosexuals as gay men as most people have the perception that 'only gay men take good care of their appearance and are up to date with the latest fashion'. What the guys forget is that no matter how they go around telling people that metrosexuals are gay men, they secretly envy the way metrosexuals present themselves with flawless skin and dressing up in the best styles; as for the girls, they think that metrosexuals are gay men but still, they want their boyfriends to take fashion tips from metrosexuals, and they even buy GQ, details and Men's Health magazines for their boyfriends so they could dress up like gay men metrosexuals.

As for me, I really don't care if people say that I'm a metrosexual today and a gay man tomorrow. All I know is that the guys come to me for fashion tips(though I'm not as updated now as I used to before. I blame med school for leeching all the time away!) and the girls love to have me around when they shop because they know that I'm one of the very few people around who's able to fix a wardrobe malfunction.

Metrosexual or gay? It really doesn't matter that much.

It's Not Over

It may be just me but I've somehow stumbled upon some information which leads me to thinking that perhaps I was right all along. It wasn't the gaydar that was faulty, but the target.

Being a Muslim, he has to choose to have a relationship with a woman, but deep down in his heart he knows that this isn't what he wants, which is why he's always uncertain about things and has caused me to receive mixed signals from him.

A status update in his Facebook made me wonder who is he referring "die(slang for 'dia' in Malay, which means 'he/she')" to.

"Aku suka die(I like him/her)."

It could be anyone, but at 3 in the morning, I subconsciously hope that the person is me.

Perhaps, I've never really let him go but just "put into a small box and kept it away".

Skinneh Jeans

For Christ's sake, can someone tell me what's wrong with guys wearing skinny jeans?

I was at class yesterday and a female friend(FF) looked at me (with horror) and asked:

FF: Is that skinny jeans you're wearing?!?!?!?!?
Me: Urh....no. It's a pair of slim jeans, if you really need to know.
FF: Don't lie! I know it's a pair of skinny jeans!
Me: Um... It REALLY is a pair of slim jeans. Skinny jeans tend to hug on your legs more, whereas slim jeans are well, for slim people like me so that we don't look too disproportionate like we do when we wear straight-cut jeans. They DON'T hug our legs. Besides, my legs are too fat to fit into skinny jeans.
FF: *looking suspicious* ........really?? But I tell you, guys shouldn't wear these type of jeans lah! They make guys look gay. UNLESS, the guy is tall and has long, slender legs.
Me: *stares at her*
FF: But you're tall la actually. But still don't wear skinny jeans la OK? They look very awful and gay.
ME: ..............

It must be the air everyone's breathing here. Somehow, none of the Malaysian students here in Moscow have any sense in fashion at all. Even I who used to have some knowledge in fashion became very much inhibited now because of the people I mix around with for the past two-and-a-half years.

Me wearing a black, full-framed glasses. Gay.

Me having a ear piercing. Gay.

Me dressing up for occasions(eg: Christmas, CNY). Gay.

Me loving shopping. Gay.

Me having not just a facial wash but also a moisturizer and toner. Gay.

Me owning lots of clothes and footwear. Gay.

With all these negative comments on whatever I do/wear, it's amazing how I'm still surviving till this very day.

Oh, because I dress down so much now to please the crowd. That's why.

Seriously, if you dare to even tell me that skinny jeans are horrendous, I ask you to explain to me why did you dress up all green from top to bottom(even your bag is green) when it's not Christmas? Did someone tell you that you would photosynthesize if you do so?

Seriously.

...And Then I Smiled

It must've been quite some time since I last mentioned about Sam and all the things I encounter with him.

It must've been more than six months since I last thought and blogged about him. And that's because he doesn't occupy such a huge part of my life anymore, probably due to the fact that he isn't even slightly ghey and that he's already 'married'.

I don't know if it's just me or what but not being able to see me for two months(because I was back in Malaysia) seems to have quite a great impact on him.

I'm saying so because I've noticed that he'd been looking at me the whole morning on our first day back at school. It's not like I became much better looking over the winter holidays. Even if I did, it shouldn't be the reason for him stare at me the whole morning because he's supposed to be straight.

I knew that he was staring at me and waiting for me to acknowledge him but being the evil self, I chose to ignore him. I know I'm bad but whatever. He treated me like a dog once, so now it's payback time!

Throughout the whole day I kept a close eye on him but he must've became bored of this game because after noon he practically stopped looking at me! But he didn't last long. In the evening he was practically looking at me again in the lecture hall. Hah!

After the lecture we returned to our hostel. He lives on the first floor and me on the fifth. Thinking back how I was being cold to him the whole day, I couldn't help but feel bad. And so when I was climbing up the stairs to the second floor, I turned back, looked at him...

Leaving On A Jet Plane

So, this is my last day in Kuala Lumpur for my winter break. I'll be leaving for Moscow later at night, at 9.10PM.

So many things happened in fifty-two days. From wedding parties to the New Year, to the Chinese New Year, to Chap Goh Mei.

It's Valentine's Day. It sure does feel more lonely celebrating it alone, but what the heck, life still goes on!

Stay tuned as the next post will be from Russia!

When Retail Therapy Isn't The Best De-stress Method

It's the Year of The Ox. Everyone's talking about the ox, the bull, the cow, the calf and everything that grow horns and walk on fours and moos.

And if you don't already know, there's this HUGE ox ornament right outside the Jalan Bukit Bintang entrance of Pavilion KL. Not wanting to miss out on the hype(yes, I'm very competitive, even when it comes to having a look of this cow that basically doesn't do anything other than posing), I rushed to KL this afternoon(Saturday afternoon, that is) to get a glimpse of this magical animal posing in its full glory.

Other than being solid and lavishly painted in gold, the cow ox is just, well, an ox. But it's a totally different story if you're sexcited by the sight of its micropenis. It's not like I'm a perv or what but it's really hard not to notice the penis on that ox. I mean, if you're gonna make an ox, at least make it manlier lah(I know penis size has no relation with manhood but you gotta accept the fact that men just can't shake that off their minds). Why build such a big ox if you're gonna humiliate its manhood in public. I bet it won't cost too much to make it longer and thicker, considering the little amount of material needed to build a penis compared to the head and the horns and the body. You get what I mean.

Anyway, shall move on before this post turns into an explicit one.

So, back to the title. For many years now people have been saying that retail therapy is actually healthy for the soul, if not for the bank account. For years, I've been buying that story and will go for retail therapy at the slightest feel of stress. But it's not like I spend huge amount of money whenever I'm out. Sometimes I'll get a sweater from Armani Exchange, the jeans of Topman or the tee from Zara. But sometimes when I feel like spending but can't afford it, I'll just sit at Secret Recipe and have a slice of cake.

But this time, the time where I'm back in Malaysia-oh-the-so-called-shopping-heaven, I don't get to destress as much as I did before. I've been in Malaysia for six weeks now and I've been to all the shopping malls now(One Utama, the Curve, Mid Valley Megamall, Gardens, Pavilion, Sunway Pyramid. You name it, I've been there!) not just once but at least three times each but I've only bought an item so far. Yup, six weeks, endless shopping, only one item. Are you gonna call me God or what?

OK, I know that the economy's bad right now but we all know that the best way to revive the economy is by spending! I'm trying to do my part to help revive the economy but I think God is opposing me. Every time I enter Gap and want to get something, the size I'm looking for is always out of stock. I've tried ALL Gap outlets and they are all out of stock. Like, seriously? Are there really that many men in Malaysia with waist size of thirty inches? Every time I go out, people look at me and say "you look so skinny, you try 28 lah". I wish I could but the sad truth is if I were to force myself into a 28-inches pants I'll definitely tear it apart when I squat. Now that the truth is out, no one can say that I'm skinny anymore BECAUSE YOU AND I WEAR THE SAME SIZE ALRIGHT! OK, maybe it only applies to those with 30 inches waist but still, if 30 inches is skinny then what about those who wear size 28? Might as well just categorize them as anorexic.

Just when I thought this incident would only happen in Gap, the same incident happened in Topman. You all do know that the sizes of Topman jeans come in sizes 28, 30, 32, 34, 36 and probably 38? For Gap, I wear size 30 because Gap's clothes are always bigger. For other labels, I'm usually on size 31. In Topman, there's no such thing as size 31. Either you're 30 or 32. If you can't comfortably fit into either one, you fuck off. Me being the usual stupid guy, thought "maybe I'll just get the size 32 so that I can still fit into it when I grow sideways next time. For now a belt will do the job". And so when I thought the problem with my jeans is solved, here comes the problem of the belt. There was this belt which I bought four years ago(the peak of me trying to be a lala. Yes, it's sad but I once did worship the God of Lala) which I thought was cool back then but now that I've outgrown the lala-ness, I find the belt very inappropriate. So I had to search high and low for a belt that looks decent and a little bit towards the high fashion side. Guess what? A year have passed and I'm still walking around shopping malls with the lala belt.

Like, major sigh la! Either the nice ones are taken or they're at least RM239(damn you Armani Exchange!). And the closest ones I could find just don't seem to be up to my expectations. Or maybe it's the other way around. But just know that I'll be stuck for the lala belt for another 4-5 months if I don't get a nice belt within a week!

Don't even get me started with the amount of clothes I've tried and couldn't get the sizes I want. Like, almost everyone my size has to happen to like the same shirt as I and get them before me. Like, IF YOU ALL THINK THAT I'M SKINNY THEN WHY YOU ALL FIGHTING FOR SIZE M CLOTHES WITH ME?!?!!?!?!? If you like body-hugging tees then at least tone your body so that it's your pecs and your abs that the tee is hugging and not your tummy. Or if you really like body-hugging tees, might as well just wear tank top all the time la, that way you can show off your body as long as you want.

ONLY PEOPLE WITH PECS AND ABS SHOULD WEAR BODY-HUGGING SHIRTS! IF YOU DON'T HAVE THEM THEN PLEASE BUY SIZE L CLOTHES, DON'T FORCE YOURSELF INTO A SIZE M AND SUCK IN THE TUMMY WHEN YOU WALK.

See, retail therapy can be painful at times. But being the stupid me, I won't give up until the very last day I'm in Malaysia. I gotta buy some clothes and bring back to Russia la, if not I appeal for 30kgs of check-in baggage weight for what?

Share The Great Music

I've been looking for this new single from Colton Ford online but it's only available on US' iTunes Store.

It's called 'Trouble'. If anyone has it, mind sharing it with me? =)

Gay-O-Meter

Was blog hopping and I came across this blog whose owner took a test on how gay he is and scored a perfect 100%. But he wasn't quite happy with his score because he thought that he was less gay than he thought.

I was curious and wanted to know more about this Gay-O-Meter, so I clicked on the link he provided and took the test myself. Scored 40% and the remark was "you're open minded between the sheets but rarely show your gay side when out on the streets". I for one thought that the test was quite accurate, though I also agree with the blogger that people shouldn't determine how gay a person is from conducting questionnaires.

There was this question from the questionnaire which I found quite offensive:

Q: When you were young did you prefer to be a:
Option A: A cowboy
Option B: An indian

Like, what the hell is your problem?! What's wrong with choosing to be an Indian(though I picked the first option) over a cowboy? Now I ain't no hypocrite because the question didn't require me to choose between American or Indian, I chose to be a cowboy because cowboys are cool(regardless of the race). But I think it's just inappropriate to make fun of other races, especially websites which have many visitors each day!

What if I were to create a questionnaire someday and one of the questions looked like this:

Q: Who'd be the most honourable leader of the 21st Century?
Option A: George W. Bush
Option B: Osama bin Laden

or

Q: If you had the chance would you want to be:
Option A: A rich American but dealing with serious weight issues(and possible weight-related diseases)
Option B: A poor Indian but is a healthy man

I'm 167% sure that the Americans would all donate one cent per person to buy explosives and have them DHL-ed to my house and remotely trigger it through the Internet/satellite/whatsoever.

Or maybe I'll just gain popularity and support from the Asians and be on the covers of newspapers worldwide, then the Americans can't kill me because it would be very obvious that I was assassinated if I were to die a sudden death.

I think I need my sleep now. I am not making sense anymore. Can't blame it though as it's almost four in the morning and I'm still awake. And I have to attend a family brunch at 11AM! That means seven hours in total to sleep, wake up, take a dump, take shower and leave fifteen minutes before the appointed time.

Goodnight everyone. Do drop by to take a test though.

农历新年快乐!

I suppose this will be the only chance I get to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year before it's too late, assuming that there are lots of preparations to be done and also last-last-minute shopping to be done(I can't believe that I've been shopping for CNY clothing for 3 weeks but only gotten ONE shirt!).

So, that's about it. I wish everyone a Happy CNY, and will the Year of Ox bring us health, wealth(by knocking the stock up with its horns), more wealth, global peace, and also, change(President Obama promised to bring changes to the world, didn't he?)!

See ya all real soon!

I'm Not Lovin' It

A and I have been going out alone for the past three days. We had dinner and hanged out at McD on Monday, watched "REC", had dinner and hanged out at Starbucks on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, we hanged out at Starbucks again. Just that on Wednesday, we met because he was supposed to meet his ex too and he thought that it'd be awkward to be just the two of them, so I was asked to join them.

His ex joined us for less than two hours and he left, which left the two of us, alone, AGAIN. Not wanting to stay at Starbucks any longer(A had diarrhea after he had the Americano on Tuesday night), we went to McD, again(we're just not very good at suggesting places to hang out). Thank goodness we stayed there till 4AM, because our initial plan was to go shopping at Pavilion today(Thursday), but has to be cancelled now because we both are very sure that we won't be awake till at least 12PM. But we're meeting up again on Friday to catch "Red Cliff II" on the big screen.

I'm starting to see things clearer now. He had been asking me out for the past three days because he was lonely and he knew I wouldn't reject him. He asked me out to Starbucks on Wednesday because he didn't want to feel 'awkward' being alone with his ex. We have been going out for the past three days but he never fails to mention about his ex each day. He basically just think of me as a friend, perhaps a very good friend but I doubt it. In fact, I'm quite sure that if it wasn't for the fact that his friends from university have either gone overseas or that they've gone back to their hometown to celebrate Chinese New Year, he wouldn't even ask me out. I'm merely a tool.

Seriously, we hadn't been all that close after college, and even when I returned to Malaysia on December last year, we hadn't contacted one another. It was until he was done with his exams that he actually contacted me. But I can't put all the blame on him. He might be the one asking me out whenever he feels lonely or bored, but it was me who always made myself available for him. I blame myself for being so soft-hearted when it comes to him.

Now that I know he still has some feelings for his ex and isn't really ready for a new relationship, I should be thinking for myself too. I am done being nice, hoping that someday he'll realize and actually give us a chance. I am done going out on dinners with him. I am done watching movies in the cinemas with him. I'm done listening to him whine. I'm done trying to fool myself into thinking that we're somewhat dating.

Seriously, I don't even know why I agreed having dinners with him, don't even know why we watched movies together, don't even know why we hanged out at Starbucks till 2AM. It's not like I do not have better things to do.

And we even sat at McD till 4AM? Heck, I don't even have that much to talk to my parents, at least not for three consecutive days!

And So We Went On A Date

Note: This entry is a continuation of this and this. Make sure you read them before proceeding.

So we went on a date on Monday. It's a date right, when two people go for dinner or watch a movie together or just hang out together? It felt kinda weird to me because the last time I went out with someone - just me and another person- was like, a year and a half ago? It felt even more weird when we dined at a cafe/bistro where the lights are dimly lit with soft jazz music. It was quite romantic, but the problem is that since that place is a very famous spot for people to loosen up after a hard day's work, it was kinda packed downstairs. We opted to dine upstairs where there were lesser people but since the stairs are in the middle of the cafe, we had to walk past quite a number of patrons to get to the stairs. Most of them stared at us as we walked past them, but we can't blame them really. How often do you see TWO GUYS walk into a cafe with dimly lit lights and jazz music playing on the stereo? Thank Lord they did not raise their eyebrows on us.

After we were brought to our table, we ordered food and started chatting. Everything's alright, food's alright(albeit a little costly for deep fried fish and chips), we chatted some more about random things, until a waiter came to us and ask if we would like to order more food because it'd be the last order. We politely said we're fine and went on chatting.

Suddenly, the already dim lights were dimmed some more. We were close to sticking our noses not more than two inches away from the plate to look at our food. It was only about a good five minutes later did they decide to turn up the lights. It was good that they turned the lights back on because if I'm left in the dark any longer, my nose would stick into the tartar sauce. What's not good about it was they only turned up the lights above the occupied tables. There were only three occupied tables on our floor, so basically the whole floor's dark except for the three tables, including mine. We're obviously at the center of attention because one of the other two tables was a family celebrating birthday of a family member and the other, a group of friends dining after work.

After dinner, we called up another friend and all three of us had ice-creams in McD. Yes, just ice-cream in McD. It's quite good actually to just hang out in McD instead of sight-seeing(we actually went around Bangsar and looked at beautiful houses before meeting up with the other friend) or catching a movie.

If it's a date, I'd give it 8/10.

Just that it's not one. Over dinner, he asked me many questions about his ex(he thinks I'm his ex's BFF). He said his ex asked him and some other friends(me included) out tomorrow, just that it's 2.20AM now and his ex has yet to text/call me and ask me out. He told me he asked his ex and another friend to join us for dinner but they couldn't make it, that's why it was only the two of us. He asked me to accompany him if they're to hang out tomorrow(not because he didn't want to go out alone with his ex, he really wants to! It's just that his ex has a boyfriend now and my friend, A finds that it'll be very awkward for them to go out by themselves). When I told him that his ex is very happy with his new found lover, A got emo and said he didn't want to see his ex anymore. On the way back to my place, he kept asking me to introduce some people to him, why does it seem so hard for him to look for someone he likes, and if he should set-up an online profile to get to know people.

I did my part dropping hints to him. I told him he should stop thinking of his ex as a lover but a friend in order for him to move on with life and meet up new people. I told him I'm not a love guru as I've experienced failed relationships. I told him I'm also single and I'm not seeing someone and there's no one in my uni which I have the slightest feeling for(which isn't very true, but I lied anyway to banish any insecurity in him if he were to ever consider me a potential boyfriend). I too asked him if there's anyone he can introduce me to.

As he became less inhibited emotionally, he actually asked me to visit him in Ireland in the future. He too asked me to work in Australia together with him after graduation. He also told me to help him look for and choose places to live when he goes to Ireland this September. He also asked me to accompany him shopping. And at some point he kept telling me that his car has very little fuel and it's only sufficient to bring us to his house, and that I could stay over because his sister is out of town(gasp!). But soon after that his emotions got a little inhibited and he suggested alternatives like going to a petrol station and fuel up, then drive back to his house and I can drive his car back to my house; and me taking a taxi home. But it's very hard to decipher his words, because now he'll be driving on the road and tease me by telling me he'll turn left when the road to my house is on the right or steering the car to the left and to the right(nothing to worry about as there wasn't any car around us) of the road, and the next moment he'll just get very serious.

Still, like I've already said, if this was a date, I'd give it an 8/10. It'd be good if he could get my hints and decide to do something about, but if he doesn't, I guess I'm OK with him being my friend. Better willingly than forced.

What about me taking the first move? To be true, I'm actually considering it, but I dare not pop the question so soon as we just started talking and texting each other and hanging out with each other alot again. I'm taking it slow and hopefully when the time is right - and that I'm still in the country -, I could ask him to be my boyfriend. Of course it's best if he accepts, but if he doesn't, at least we have the whole of spring away from each other, with me in Moscow and him in KL, thinking about how we're gonna face each other when we meet during my summer break as friends.

It looks like I already have a full plan, don't I?