Hey There Hottie

What if a hottie takes a pic of himself and make it as a handphone theme? ANY PLU would've died just to get the handphone theme, right?

Well, lucky me have found one of the greatest thing on earth. Well, at least for now that makes it the best thing on earth to me la.

Was browsing the web to look for new handphone themes and I came across this theme where a hottie posed for a pic and then made it a handphone theme and distributed it all over the net. He's EXTREMELY cooool in that pic and even though the pic covers only from his head till his naked shoulders, it's more than enough for me to put me into fantasy. *ahemz*

If only I come across such gorgeous man in my life, I would've died happily. IF only.

But I'm not sure bout all these sometimes. At times I feel that I still love my ex-girlfriend very much, but when I happen to meet a hunk/hottie/cuttie on the streets, I swear I would've given all my life to any of them. Seriously.

Which is why I'm currently in a dilemma of whether I should return to my ex or give myself more time to explore. I love her, but yet I'm afraid that I'll hurt her again if I'm with her again for some time just to find that I'm more into the same gender.

I'm in need of professional's help, NOW. My brain, the signals and my desires are killing me, fast. I'm becoming more humane, and I don't like it. I'm losing the abilities to guess people's mind, give wise advices, prediction and most importantly, self-help.

But then, until I know what's going on in my brain, I'm going to act as if I'm just an innocent human who's obsessed with fashion. Yep, that shall be it.

Oh by the way, it's been quite some time since New Year but I have yet to make any New Year Resolution(s), I guess now's the time to do it.

My New Year Resolutions are:
- to turn myself into another personality, again
- buy more designer clothes(since I'm gonna be obsessed with fashion)
- dress more classy(no point learning the attitude but not dressing well)
- put on more weight(preferable muscle mass; well, have been saying this for thousands of times but no actions were taken, hopefully this time's for real)
- getting myself attached(preferably a guy for now since I've yet to try a guy-guy relationship and I think it'll provide me much help in deciding my sexuality)
- completely stop the 'sissy' teasing by my friends(few more steps only, I can make it!)
- last but not least, to do well in exams(I do study k!)

This entry has totally drifted away from the main point. But then again, it has saved me lots of time from writing more boring entries. Should do this more next time, save the interesting stories and post them all in one entry. What a brilliant idea!

Some pics of MY hottie(whoever has this theme better delete it before I hunt you down and murder you for keeping my hottie in your filthy phone, heh):

And yeah, the pics are ALL the same. He's too hot ma, what to do?

In Search Of A Guy Who Loves Me

The Malay dislikes me, the Indian dislikes me.

Well, at least that's what I think.

Ever since the incidence which occured in the internet cafe, I've never seen the guy because it's holiday now and we live in separate floors of the hostel, so yeah, it's almost impossible to see each other.

As for the Indian guy, I'm not sure whether to consider myself lucky or not. Saw him in the lift this morning(Monday morning, I mean) and since I wasn't really prepared to seeing him, I forgot to say 'Hi' or 'Good Morning' to him. But he didn't say those words to me either. Not even a smile. He just acted so cool as if I did not exist, but I didn't really feel disturbed for being ignored like this. When the lift doors opened at gound floor, he just walked out of the lift, quickly. That was when I got really pissed and decided not to bother about him anymore, for today, which I really did. And I'm proud of myself.

But still, I don't think I deserved to be treated like this. I mean, I can accept if he doesn't say hi to me because I didn't greet him too. But, walking out of the lift quickly as if he's trying to run away from something? Not that he's late for class or anything!What's working in human minds? I'm starting to feel so lost, not understanding humans anymore. Is it because I'm becoming more and more human that I'm losing the senses? I don't know.

But 1 thing which I'm sure: I've been rejected by 4 previous guy crashes already and I'm not liking the feeling. At times I just feel like I'm not meant for games like this. I'm too tired, very tired.

Should I back out of this game?

I Hate Malays

Seriously, that Malay should just go fuck himself.

I fucking saw him chatting with a girl online for more than 3 hours k! A GIRL! 3 HOURS! FOR A VERY EXPENSIVE INTERNET ACCESS FEES!

Don't tell me it's just a normal friend cause I was sitting beside him initially and he already was chatting with that girl but suddenly he just switched to another computer and continued chatting with the girl k! Got so many things to talk about meh! Somemore go keep on viewing her Friendster! As if I'm interested in their conversation!

Well, I actually do have interest in their conversation, but not until the extend that I'll go peep at his comp k. I'm not some desperate guy lusting for another guy. Only cheapos do that. And I'm glad not to be one.

Found out that he's a government sponsored student. Found out that he might not be gay(but cannot deny the fact that I saw him holding hands with another guy!). Found out that he might have a girlfriend.

I think that he noticed me checking him out and that he has interest in me and was actually talking about me with the girl(it's HIGHLY impossible, I know, but just can't help thinking about it!). I hope I don't scare him away.

There goes the dream of holding his hands(he either has a bf or a gf and I'm not an evil man who'll go steal another person's bf), telling all my PLU friends and those who know that I'm bi that he's my boyfriend(even if he's gay, he probably doesn't prefer Chinese), staying together in a country which accepts us for who we are(as government sponsored student, he has to either work with the government for a certain period of time or return government the money, and I think he will choose the formal choice).

SIGH!

To make things worse, I dreamt of him and his bf k! They were together! In MY dream! Instead of me and him, it's him and his bf! FUCK MY BRAINS FOR COUPLING BOTH OF THEM INSTEAD OF ME AND HIM! AT LEAST SHOW ME SOMETHING WHICH I WANT BUT CAN'T HAVE IT IN REALITY LA!

I'm so sad now, until I'll just give in to any random guy(must not be too bad-looking) who sweet talks to me.