I Am Less Than Good

Guess what? Great Alex just failed his exam today. Let's celebrate!

So much for being a "proud Taylor's College CAL student". I don't live up to the title. It's a shame for both Taylor's and Cambridge to have me as their student.

On the brighter side, I have finally realize that there's no point wasting all that time telling people how good I can be in studies if I want to but I didn't have to prove it because it was already proven in the past that I am good in my studies. People don't care what I used to be, how great I used to perform. They only care how I perform now. And whatever I've been doing here in Moscow for the past three years is nowhere near good.

I am lazy, and this is the main reason why I've been performing so poorly. And me going around telling people I'm good isn't helping. So it's time to really sit down and study. No more screw-ups. No more.

Hate to say this but I now know why my mom used to compare me with my other friends who score better grades instead of those who don't. Comparison and competition is what makes a person achieve better results. I so need that right now.

Off to resume my geeky life which I've left behind years ago. Hopefully it's not too late now.

And by the way, there isn't much improvement to my dreams yet. At times I still look at myself in the mirror for a little too long, thinking of ways to increase height and so on. I've been a bad boy. I give myself a C-.

Till next time.

When The Sun Rises

When the sun rises, we wake up from our dreams and start the day. Unfortunately, some people(including myself) fail to fully awake. They may seem awake but they still dream, daydreaming that is.

Remember how I've once said that I wanted to be a fashion designer, a model, a fashion photographer, everything to do with fashion except Medicine which is the course I'm doing? Remember how I've later said that I know I can't be a fashion designer and a model and will pursue my dream as a fashion photographer? I thought I have finally waken up from my dream.

I did, just that the dream I've waken up from was part of the bigger dream I'm having.

This whole fantasy of mine is eating me up, physically and mentally. I've wasted lots of time surfing the web trying to see if by some miracle I can fit in as the next or probably first Asian/Malaysian male model who made it into the big scene under big agencies like Elite Model Management, New York Model Management, etc.. Not only am I deprived of sleep, my health is also affected as my eating habits are not normal anymore, sometimes 2 meals a day or worse, once a day. Besides, I've also neglected my studies, thinking that if I could ever enter the industry, I wouldn't be needing the education. Besides, I would look at the mirror all day thinking of ways to make my hair look good, thinking of the products I should apply on my skin, how to create that masculine look like the other male models in advertorials.

What I failed to realise that at a mere 5'11", Asian, and not having the perfect jawline any modeling agency's looking for, I am nowhere near the industry. Heck, even if I made it, I would merely appear as the 'new look' and that's all.

It's time to wake up, and this time, it's for real. This time, I'm gonna do it step by step. I must stop dreaming about becoming a model, a fashion designer, a fashion photographer(or maybe not) and just concentrate in my studies and become a good doctor in the future. And it all starts with the male model dream.

Good Lord, I sound like a drug addict with withdrawal syndrome.

Easy to say, but it's totally another story when it comes to actually be in 'rehab'. I've been telling myself to end this male model dream but just this morning, I found myself searching for pictures of Chad White(male model, hot male model, if you don't already know), and before I know it, I was searching for his portfolio, and you know where it led me to.

I give myself an 'E' for my performances so far. Will update once a week about my progress, so don't go away!

Change Has Come

Now that Obama is the new President, change has come! The LGBT community doesn't have to be afraid of anyone anymore with Obama's support!

Obama you rock!