Drown In Fantasy

When I was young, I would tell my mother very often that someday, I'll buy a bungalow for her to live, hire a few maids, buy her a Mercedes Benz, a personal driver and unlimited credit card limit. And to do that, I'll work as a doctor, become a specialist and earn money, money and more money.

That went on for several years until sometine during High School, I made researches on this profession and to my horror, becoming a doctor is not as easy as I had thought, and to make things worse, not all doctors become rich. In fact, in Malaysia, most doctors, especially those working in the government hospitals, are struggling to make a living.

I thought of other opportunities, other courses, other careers, but sad to say, I have no interest in most of them. So, I reviewed my "ambition". After reviewing it, I made lots of changes. It doesn't matter if I'm rich or not, it doesn't matter if I drive a BMW or a Mercedes Benz, or living in a bungalow, as long as I could provide to my parents' needs, as long as I'm happy with what I'm doing, being poor is not a matter. Money is important, but it can't buy a family, it can't buy satisfaction, it can't buy joy. What's the point showering your family with money when you cannot afford to spend time with them? What's the point being rich if you do something you dislike?

Unfortunately, nobody approves of my plan. Even my parents think I'm being childish and ridiculous. And since then, arguments often occur between me and my family members. I do understand that my parents didn't want me to suffer in life, but little do they know that no one will be happy if we do things that we dislike.

Finally, they gave in, but not for long. Now that I'm offered to study Medicine overseas, my parents are trying to make me stay locally and pursue other courses.

I don't know what to do already. Should I insist on studying overseas, even without my family's support, or should I take up other courses which will end arguments about my studies and make everyone happy?

Show Me The Money

Had lunch with my relatives today. Had a small chat with my cousin who's a doctor. He told me lots of things about Medicine and doctors. And from what I could see, he's not very happy with what he's doing now. Not that he didn't like becoming a doctor, it's just that a REAL doctor is not what we see in television or during hospital attachment.

I do believe that I have a strong passion for Medicine, but if it is true that this profession isn't what I initially believed in, then I don't see a point pursuing Medicine anymore. I never liked business, that's the reason I picked sciences. But now someone's telling me that Medicine is business. I mean, yeah, it it business, but not until the point that when your client isn't willing to pay a certain amount for a surgery, you pull a long face and show it right in front of your client. That's not what Medicine is about! At least to me, it's not like this.

I'm going on with my application for Medicine, but I don't think that I'll be very upset if I got rejected. Perhaps, Medicine is not what I've been looking for. Perhaps, this is not my call. Psychology, probably suits me better.

I don't know. I'm very confused and lost. And I'm dire need for help. Anyone, everyone, lend me a hand. Please.

The Downfall(?)

For most children, their dreams were about the same, becoming a policeman or a teacher. I followed suit too. It was until Primary 5 did I realise that becoming a policeman or a teacher wasn't that interesting as I used to think.

Maybe it's the Hong Kong dramas which made me see policeman as a very cool job, fighting crimes and chasing bad guys in big cities. Which also includes endless scenes of bad guys threatening the chief/inspector by attaching a bomb to the chief/inspector's loved one and how the chief/inspector managed to save his beloved from danger and caught the bad guys. Or at least that's what I thought. It was until the later years of my Primary School life did I realise that in Malaysia, the situation is totally different. Or maybe, things in television were never real, just that I chose to believe that what I saw in television were real and what we have in Malaysia is polluted. Bribery is common, bad guys escapes without being caught, policemen not doing what they're supposed to do. It's just too bad in Malaysia.

As for teachers, young children always think that teaching is a very noble profession because they sacrifice their time just to make sure their students excel in their studies. I thought it was true, until I discovered that many teachers are not good in what they're teaching. As in an English Language teacher teaching Science and a Math teacher teaching Malay Language. Besides, some of them don't teach well in school, but in their tuition classes, they work very hard. It's so different from "sacrifice themselves to make sure students excel in their studies". I understand that there are teachers who fit into the statement, but compared with the ones who work harder in tuition classes than in school, the number is negligible.

Since then, I've thought of a new profession - Medical Practitioner a.k.a. doctor. You can't bribe a doctor to make sure a surgery is 100% successful or the other way around. And in Malaysia, doctors do not have a choice but to sacrifice their precious time dealing with patients. Doctor may not be as noble as it seems, but at least it's much more challenging than repeating the same chores everyday. Besides, doctors do not have fixed working hours. We wouldn't know when will we receive calls from the hospital that we're needed. It may be stressful, but being able to help those in need is better than leaving them alone and miserable.

Unfortunately, things haven't been going along well these few years. SPM was OK but for A-Levels, my results weren't good. So far from being average, even further from being excellent. Things are going on a rocky road now. The future is uncertain. The near future, I mean. Went to apply for Medical Programme today but was told that I needed to write a letter of appeal to the Ministry of Higher Educations so that they would allow me to persue Medicine overseas. Everything's done now, am waiting for the panel in the Ministry to decide whether I deserve a chance to study overseas or continue rotting in the lands of this country.

This entry was supposed to be more about my results but it seems that it turned out to be totally different from what I initially thought of. But still, it wasn't too bad. Oh well, time to sleep. Nite!

Where's My Wardrobe?!

"I want a wardrobe of my own. I'm sick of wearing the same suit everyday!"

"Listen to me my dear. It's not that I do not want to get you a wardrobe, but do you have any clothes to keep in the wardrobe?"

"Erm, nope. But soon I'll get myself lots of clothes! I will!"

"I'm not sure about it. I thought I was the one who's in charge of what you wear?"

"Uh? I didn't know about that!"

"I don't blame you for that. Blogs don't have brains. Hahaha."

"..........Fine, you win."

Was surfing the web for new skins for my blog since Blogger provides very few blogskins for its users. Talk about Blogger, its service isn't that good either. I wonder why so many people fell for Blogger instead of Xanga and Wordpress.

Wait, I'm using Blogger too. I'm contradicting myself.

Back to topic.

None of the skins I saw at Blogskins attracts me. They either look very plain or just too colourful. Well, there were a few which were OK, but they're not available anymore due do some reasons. I ain't tech-savvy, don't ask me for the reasons.

Until I come across a nice blogskin, you guys will be seeing one of the 'Default skins by Blogger'.

Somewhere...

"I still want my own wardrobe!"

A New Start

I have been hoping to create this blog a very long time ago, but due to the workloads and my laziness(=p), it's been delayed. For um, 2 months?

No, I ain't kidding.

This is not my first time blogging. This is actually my fourth blog. Yep, FOURTH. Insane? I think so too, but I haven't got other choices. I've been thinking of creating a blog where I could spill everything deep in my heart out, mostly secrets that my friends and family members should not know, but everytime I create a new blog, I just couldn't bear with the guilt of not letting them know. My first blog is a public blog. The second one was supposed to be private, where only me and another friend know, but only after telling her the blog address did I realise that she wasn't the best choice to know my secrets. The third blog was created for the fun of using skins created by myself. Only a few friends know about it though.

So, birth of the fourth blog! In this new blog, no one will know who I am, and when I know that nobody I know knows about this blog, I could blog freely. Write what I want, say what I want.

I'm getting high already. More entries rushing in soon!