Have been blogging actively these days. The last time I've been like this, blogging almost every single day was months ago. Ever since I left college, nothing seems to interest me, nothing seems to get my attention. Didn't know what to blog about, didn't know why I should blog.
The good old days, when I was in college, everyday was a blessing. Everyday, besides going for lectures and hanging out with friends, the best part was to look out for people. Certain people, to be specific. You got it right, my crushes. Talk about crushES, you guys might think that I'm crazy or something, but I'm not. Having more than 1 crush at a time is not a sin. In fact, having crush itself is not a sin. As if I prayed to get it or something?
Before I left college, almost every single day of mine was made perfect seeing any of them. The mere sight of them is enough to make me smile for the whole day. Have never felt like this before, having so many crushes at a time, and that a mere sight of them is enough to satisfy me. Always thought that guys are hot, sexy, handsome(and whatever you call it), but never thought that I'd fall for them, and so many at the same time too!
At first, I thought it was just a crush which will fade away soon, but I was wrong. After a month, I start to stalk them and get their timetables. Later, I start to make a group of friends help me stalk them(and surely, I did not tell them why I want them to do that for me). Soon, I got information about them, know what they use to wear, know where they usually hang out, and seeing them at the right time at the right place is nothing shocking anymore(but the choice of colour one of them chooses as a pants still shocks me, even until today).
Anyway, stalking them has become pat of my life in college. Everyday, I'll make sure I see them at least once a day without fail. And I try my best to make myself noticed by them. And I think I succeeded, hehehe.
Soon, as I discovered more information about them, things start to fall apart. 2 of them have girlfriends, 1 is an extreme homophobic, and the other seems to look like gay but too manly to be one. What am I saying? Well, as long as it means all of them are unavailable and are homophobic. And one of them is the 'legendary' person who drives the most expensive cars in the whole college. How am I, a person from a middle class, a bisexual going to befriend them? Never.
If you think that I'm just too stupid to stalk them and get almost all the information about them but quits at the last minute, not trying to make the move to befriend them, you're wrong. I tried sending them mails through a popular website which allows users to "Find, Connect, Stay In Touch", but I never get any reply. What more can I say?
After my course ended, I still go back to college occasionally for some stuffs, but whenever I see them, the situation will be very awkward. Both parties will try to evade one another and try not to look at each other in the eyes. Months of stalking and the attempt to befriend them has led to the situation I face today. But stupid me has never stopped loving them. Yes, love. Loving the people I never had a formal conversation. Loving the people who probably hate me for who I am. Loving the people who thought of me as nothing but some freaky homo. Or bi. Whatever.
Will be leaving this country to further my studies soon. Wanted to see them for the last time before I leave, but didn't want the wound to hurt deeper. Tried very hard to stop loving them, but never succeed. Instead, it made me love them more. If I don't go back to college to see them for the last time, I will not have the chance anymore because by the time I come back next year, their courses would've ended and I will not know where to look for them. I understand that I should let go and move on, but they're not just any crush. I love them, for real. One handsome kid, one cute boy, one average-but-managed-to-make-me-fall-for-him guy and a hottie(my point of view). They all have the qualities I'm looking for in a boyfriend. How can I simply let them go?
God save me, I don't want to force myself to move on with life, it'll only hurt myself more!
Random : I am so not prepared to go overseas. Someone gimme a hug of love, please.
The good old days, when I was in college, everyday was a blessing. Everyday, besides going for lectures and hanging out with friends, the best part was to look out for people. Certain people, to be specific. You got it right, my crushes. Talk about crushES, you guys might think that I'm crazy or something, but I'm not. Having more than 1 crush at a time is not a sin. In fact, having crush itself is not a sin. As if I prayed to get it or something?
Before I left college, almost every single day of mine was made perfect seeing any of them. The mere sight of them is enough to make me smile for the whole day. Have never felt like this before, having so many crushes at a time, and that a mere sight of them is enough to satisfy me. Always thought that guys are hot, sexy, handsome(and whatever you call it), but never thought that I'd fall for them, and so many at the same time too!
At first, I thought it was just a crush which will fade away soon, but I was wrong. After a month, I start to stalk them and get their timetables. Later, I start to make a group of friends help me stalk them(and surely, I did not tell them why I want them to do that for me). Soon, I got information about them, know what they use to wear, know where they usually hang out, and seeing them at the right time at the right place is nothing shocking anymore(but the choice of colour one of them chooses as a pants still shocks me, even until today).
Anyway, stalking them has become pat of my life in college. Everyday, I'll make sure I see them at least once a day without fail. And I try my best to make myself noticed by them. And I think I succeeded, hehehe.
Soon, as I discovered more information about them, things start to fall apart. 2 of them have girlfriends, 1 is an extreme homophobic, and the other seems to look like gay but too manly to be one. What am I saying? Well, as long as it means all of them are unavailable and are homophobic. And one of them is the 'legendary' person who drives the most expensive cars in the whole college. How am I, a person from a middle class, a bisexual going to befriend them? Never.
If you think that I'm just too stupid to stalk them and get almost all the information about them but quits at the last minute, not trying to make the move to befriend them, you're wrong. I tried sending them mails through a popular website which allows users to "Find, Connect, Stay In Touch", but I never get any reply. What more can I say?
After my course ended, I still go back to college occasionally for some stuffs, but whenever I see them, the situation will be very awkward. Both parties will try to evade one another and try not to look at each other in the eyes. Months of stalking and the attempt to befriend them has led to the situation I face today. But stupid me has never stopped loving them. Yes, love. Loving the people I never had a formal conversation. Loving the people who probably hate me for who I am. Loving the people who thought of me as nothing but some freaky homo. Or bi. Whatever.
Will be leaving this country to further my studies soon. Wanted to see them for the last time before I leave, but didn't want the wound to hurt deeper. Tried very hard to stop loving them, but never succeed. Instead, it made me love them more. If I don't go back to college to see them for the last time, I will not have the chance anymore because by the time I come back next year, their courses would've ended and I will not know where to look for them. I understand that I should let go and move on, but they're not just any crush. I love them, for real. One handsome kid, one cute boy, one average-but-managed-to-make-me-fall-for-him guy and a hottie(my point of view). They all have the qualities I'm looking for in a boyfriend. How can I simply let them go?
God save me, I don't want to force myself to move on with life, it'll only hurt myself more!
Random : I am so not prepared to go overseas. Someone gimme a hug of love, please.
Posts
