Gay-O-Meter

Was blog hopping and I came across this blog whose owner took a test on how gay he is and scored a perfect 100%. But he wasn't quite happy with his score because he thought that he was less gay than he thought.

I was curious and wanted to know more about this Gay-O-Meter, so I clicked on the link he provided and took the test myself. Scored 40% and the remark was "you're open minded between the sheets but rarely show your gay side when out on the streets". I for one thought that the test was quite accurate, though I also agree with the blogger that people shouldn't determine how gay a person is from conducting questionnaires.

There was this question from the questionnaire which I found quite offensive:

Q: When you were young did you prefer to be a:
Option A: A cowboy
Option B: An indian

Like, what the hell is your problem?! What's wrong with choosing to be an Indian(though I picked the first option) over a cowboy? Now I ain't no hypocrite because the question didn't require me to choose between American or Indian, I chose to be a cowboy because cowboys are cool(regardless of the race). But I think it's just inappropriate to make fun of other races, especially websites which have many visitors each day!

What if I were to create a questionnaire someday and one of the questions looked like this:

Q: Who'd be the most honourable leader of the 21st Century?
Option A: George W. Bush
Option B: Osama bin Laden

or

Q: If you had the chance would you want to be:
Option A: A rich American but dealing with serious weight issues(and possible weight-related diseases)
Option B: A poor Indian but is a healthy man

I'm 167% sure that the Americans would all donate one cent per person to buy explosives and have them DHL-ed to my house and remotely trigger it through the Internet/satellite/whatsoever.

Or maybe I'll just gain popularity and support from the Asians and be on the covers of newspapers worldwide, then the Americans can't kill me because it would be very obvious that I was assassinated if I were to die a sudden death.

I think I need my sleep now. I am not making sense anymore. Can't blame it though as it's almost four in the morning and I'm still awake. And I have to attend a family brunch at 11AM! That means seven hours in total to sleep, wake up, take a dump, take shower and leave fifteen minutes before the appointed time.

Goodnight everyone. Do drop by to take a test though.

农历新年快乐!

I suppose this will be the only chance I get to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year before it's too late, assuming that there are lots of preparations to be done and also last-last-minute shopping to be done(I can't believe that I've been shopping for CNY clothing for 3 weeks but only gotten ONE shirt!).

So, that's about it. I wish everyone a Happy CNY, and will the Year of Ox bring us health, wealth(by knocking the stock up with its horns), more wealth, global peace, and also, change(President Obama promised to bring changes to the world, didn't he?)!

See ya all real soon!

I'm Not Lovin' It

A and I have been going out alone for the past three days. We had dinner and hanged out at McD on Monday, watched "REC", had dinner and hanged out at Starbucks on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, we hanged out at Starbucks again. Just that on Wednesday, we met because he was supposed to meet his ex too and he thought that it'd be awkward to be just the two of them, so I was asked to join them.

His ex joined us for less than two hours and he left, which left the two of us, alone, AGAIN. Not wanting to stay at Starbucks any longer(A had diarrhea after he had the Americano on Tuesday night), we went to McD, again(we're just not very good at suggesting places to hang out). Thank goodness we stayed there till 4AM, because our initial plan was to go shopping at Pavilion today(Thursday), but has to be cancelled now because we both are very sure that we won't be awake till at least 12PM. But we're meeting up again on Friday to catch "Red Cliff II" on the big screen.

I'm starting to see things clearer now. He had been asking me out for the past three days because he was lonely and he knew I wouldn't reject him. He asked me out to Starbucks on Wednesday because he didn't want to feel 'awkward' being alone with his ex. We have been going out for the past three days but he never fails to mention about his ex each day. He basically just think of me as a friend, perhaps a very good friend but I doubt it. In fact, I'm quite sure that if it wasn't for the fact that his friends from university have either gone overseas or that they've gone back to their hometown to celebrate Chinese New Year, he wouldn't even ask me out. I'm merely a tool.

Seriously, we hadn't been all that close after college, and even when I returned to Malaysia on December last year, we hadn't contacted one another. It was until he was done with his exams that he actually contacted me. But I can't put all the blame on him. He might be the one asking me out whenever he feels lonely or bored, but it was me who always made myself available for him. I blame myself for being so soft-hearted when it comes to him.

Now that I know he still has some feelings for his ex and isn't really ready for a new relationship, I should be thinking for myself too. I am done being nice, hoping that someday he'll realize and actually give us a chance. I am done going out on dinners with him. I am done watching movies in the cinemas with him. I'm done listening to him whine. I'm done trying to fool myself into thinking that we're somewhat dating.

Seriously, I don't even know why I agreed having dinners with him, don't even know why we watched movies together, don't even know why we hanged out at Starbucks till 2AM. It's not like I do not have better things to do.

And we even sat at McD till 4AM? Heck, I don't even have that much to talk to my parents, at least not for three consecutive days!

And So We Went On A Date

Note: This entry is a continuation of this and this. Make sure you read them before proceeding.

So we went on a date on Monday. It's a date right, when two people go for dinner or watch a movie together or just hang out together? It felt kinda weird to me because the last time I went out with someone - just me and another person- was like, a year and a half ago? It felt even more weird when we dined at a cafe/bistro where the lights are dimly lit with soft jazz music. It was quite romantic, but the problem is that since that place is a very famous spot for people to loosen up after a hard day's work, it was kinda packed downstairs. We opted to dine upstairs where there were lesser people but since the stairs are in the middle of the cafe, we had to walk past quite a number of patrons to get to the stairs. Most of them stared at us as we walked past them, but we can't blame them really. How often do you see TWO GUYS walk into a cafe with dimly lit lights and jazz music playing on the stereo? Thank Lord they did not raise their eyebrows on us.

After we were brought to our table, we ordered food and started chatting. Everything's alright, food's alright(albeit a little costly for deep fried fish and chips), we chatted some more about random things, until a waiter came to us and ask if we would like to order more food because it'd be the last order. We politely said we're fine and went on chatting.

Suddenly, the already dim lights were dimmed some more. We were close to sticking our noses not more than two inches away from the plate to look at our food. It was only about a good five minutes later did they decide to turn up the lights. It was good that they turned the lights back on because if I'm left in the dark any longer, my nose would stick into the tartar sauce. What's not good about it was they only turned up the lights above the occupied tables. There were only three occupied tables on our floor, so basically the whole floor's dark except for the three tables, including mine. We're obviously at the center of attention because one of the other two tables was a family celebrating birthday of a family member and the other, a group of friends dining after work.

After dinner, we called up another friend and all three of us had ice-creams in McD. Yes, just ice-cream in McD. It's quite good actually to just hang out in McD instead of sight-seeing(we actually went around Bangsar and looked at beautiful houses before meeting up with the other friend) or catching a movie.

If it's a date, I'd give it 8/10.

Just that it's not one. Over dinner, he asked me many questions about his ex(he thinks I'm his ex's BFF). He said his ex asked him and some other friends(me included) out tomorrow, just that it's 2.20AM now and his ex has yet to text/call me and ask me out. He told me he asked his ex and another friend to join us for dinner but they couldn't make it, that's why it was only the two of us. He asked me to accompany him if they're to hang out tomorrow(not because he didn't want to go out alone with his ex, he really wants to! It's just that his ex has a boyfriend now and my friend, A finds that it'll be very awkward for them to go out by themselves). When I told him that his ex is very happy with his new found lover, A got emo and said he didn't want to see his ex anymore. On the way back to my place, he kept asking me to introduce some people to him, why does it seem so hard for him to look for someone he likes, and if he should set-up an online profile to get to know people.

I did my part dropping hints to him. I told him he should stop thinking of his ex as a lover but a friend in order for him to move on with life and meet up new people. I told him I'm not a love guru as I've experienced failed relationships. I told him I'm also single and I'm not seeing someone and there's no one in my uni which I have the slightest feeling for(which isn't very true, but I lied anyway to banish any insecurity in him if he were to ever consider me a potential boyfriend). I too asked him if there's anyone he can introduce me to.

As he became less inhibited emotionally, he actually asked me to visit him in Ireland in the future. He too asked me to work in Australia together with him after graduation. He also told me to help him look for and choose places to live when he goes to Ireland this September. He also asked me to accompany him shopping. And at some point he kept telling me that his car has very little fuel and it's only sufficient to bring us to his house, and that I could stay over because his sister is out of town(gasp!). But soon after that his emotions got a little inhibited and he suggested alternatives like going to a petrol station and fuel up, then drive back to his house and I can drive his car back to my house; and me taking a taxi home. But it's very hard to decipher his words, because now he'll be driving on the road and tease me by telling me he'll turn left when the road to my house is on the right or steering the car to the left and to the right(nothing to worry about as there wasn't any car around us) of the road, and the next moment he'll just get very serious.

Still, like I've already said, if this was a date, I'd give it an 8/10. It'd be good if he could get my hints and decide to do something about, but if he doesn't, I guess I'm OK with him being my friend. Better willingly than forced.

What about me taking the first move? To be true, I'm actually considering it, but I dare not pop the question so soon as we just started talking and texting each other and hanging out with each other alot again. I'm taking it slow and hopefully when the time is right - and that I'm still in the country -, I could ask him to be my boyfriend. Of course it's best if he accepts, but if he doesn't, at least we have the whole of spring away from each other, with me in Moscow and him in KL, thinking about how we're gonna face each other when we meet during my summer break as friends.

It looks like I already have a full plan, don't I?

Mr Right?

Well, just few days ago I blogged about finding Mr/Ms Right. I don't know for sure yet but I think God had somehow read my blog and decided to throw in the 'right' person to handle my situation.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed but I think Mr Right has appeared in my life. Well, he didn't just appear in my life suddenly but he's been in my life for the past four years. I had a girl and he had a guy back then, so there wasn't any chemistry 'of that sort' between us. And after he broke up with his boyfriend, he got so sad that he attempted to 'bend himself straight'. It never happen, of course.

Less than a month after my break-up, I went to Moscow, so the timing was just not right. It's been two-and-a-half years now and it seems to be the right time for the both of us to get partners again. And the timing couldn't get more appropriate than now, with me back in Malaysia for winter break(the first time in three winters), and him leaving for Ireland to continue his second phase in Medicine in March.

He claimed that he lost my contact numbers when I first met him back here in Malaysia. After getting my number, he started texting me. Nothing much at first, just some usual chat and some lame jokes. But today(it's still happening right now as I'm writing this post, to be more accurate), the texts are just weird.

A: So, you free tomorrow night?
Me: Yeah, why? Where do you wanna go?
A: Anywhere that we can have dinner?
Me: Where do you suggest?
A: You decide la, you haven't been in Malaysia for so long already.
Me: I pretty much have eaten everything I feel like eating. You know more places to dine, you decide.
A: Hmm... Soul Out? Haven't been there for a long time. Have you been there?
Me: Nope. And don't even ask if I know the way there!
A: Fine, I'll pick you up.

It could be a date, or not. Just a couple of days ago he texted me telling me that he still miss his ex but since his ex has a new boyfriend now, he just hope that they can still be friends. Maybe he just wanna ask me out so that he can tell me about the things he's been going through after their break-up and ask me if there's anything that can be done about it? Or maybe it was just a dinner because he couldn't look for someone to have dinner with him.

I don't know but I always thought there's something different between how me and A treat our other friends and how we treat each other. He doesn't go around tickling others except me, he doesn't rest his head on other people's shoulders except me. In fact, I was the only person who knows that he still misses his ex alot(even though he was the one who asked for the break-up).

What would it be? Dinner or date? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Mr/Ms Right

It's inevitable that many, if not most, people search for potential date partners online nowadays. It's not exactly bad but I don't think I'm a fan of it.

Maybe it's the way I was brought up by my family. To us, getting to know someone is to actually meet the person in person and see how things go. Like, you go to the grocery, sees a person that you're interested in, try to make small talks and see where it brings you to. It's definitely not going online, searching/filtering profiles and select a few potential date partners, chat online for several months before deciding to meet up. I think it's a plain waste of time if the person is not the one.

Besides, it's the Internet. So much can you trust another person whom you've never seen? You might be talking to a beast disguised as a harmless lamb. You might be flirting with a rapist who sweet-talks on MSN and then date-rapes you. Also, the inaccuracy of the information you get about a person online. A person can brag about having a six-pack or having busts of 37"-24"-38". A person can heavily photoshop his or her facial features before uploading it online. A person can also be sweet and nice online but is actually an abuser of sorts.

Not to forget the amount of people who are actually looking for ONSs instead of steady relationships.

But I do agree that there are people who manage to look for happiness through online profiling. After all, the Internet is the place where anything can happen.

Seeing people with happy relationships make me feel envious. It makes me feel like I'll never be loved by anyone else other than my family. It's not that I don't treasure the love of my family for me, it's just that at some point in my life, when my parents age and siblings have their own families to attend to, I too need to look for this special someone.

But it's gonna be an extremely tedious task, as I do not have an online profile(other than Facebook and Friendster, which both aren't exactly tools to search for date partners) and also I'm not good at meeting new people and making conversations.

I blame my previous relationship for making me long for love now. If I hadn't asked her to be my girlfriend, if I hadn't even started any relationship with anyone before, maybe I wouldn't be craving for love. After all, love is like a drug. Taste a bit of it and it'll leave you wanting more.

Nine months and nine days, that was how long our relationship lasted, and every day since the break-up, life just suck even more. The pain had long subsided, but the feeling of emptiness becomes greater each day.


Note: Mr Joey's back in KL! Welcome back Joey!

Womanizer

I've returned to Malaysia for more than three weeks now and finally, about two days ago, I got to watch Britney's "Womanizer" music video on MTV Asia.

As usual, Malaysia, being an Islamic country, has censored most(if not all) parts of the music video where Britney bared it all, all oiled up and snaked around the bench in the sauna. That was within my prediction. What wasn't within my prediction was that they did not censor a single part of Mr Womanizer a.k.a. Brandon Stoughton "nekkid" and washing himself. You know, the later part of the movie where Britney sings to the tune "womanizer...oh womanizer..." and Mr Stoughton in the shower washing his pecs.

Not that I'm complaining(I'm as thrilled looking Mr Womanizer nekkid as looking Ms Spears all nekkid and oiled up), though. What I didn't saw coming was that the Malaysian censorship department actually allowed Mr Stoughton to wash(caress?) his pecs, slow-mo style, on Malaysian TV! That's like, super hot!

But then again, if you allow such content to be aired, why don't you allow Ms Spears to flaunt her goods on air? I mean, if Mr Stoughton can show his pecs and washboard abs on air, why not Ms Spears? If you wanna define private parts, boobs aren't exactly 'private'. If that is so, I think we should start banning Men's Health, GQ and Details magazines.

But this is Malaysia, anything unexpected can and will happen! Now they say girls can't flaunt boobies on TV or in public as it'll stimulate men to commit crimes such as rape, though I strongly believe that has no direct relationship with rape. If that is so, I suggest men to button-up their shirts. Who knows, today you flaunt some rock-hard pecs and abs in public, tomorrow you'll be on the front page of the local newspapers. Reason? Got raped and murdered by some hot-blooded, sex-lusting female(or male) who can't resist her/himself from sucking on those juicy nipples and rock-hard abs the temptation.

That being said, it really is a matter of time before the Malaysian government ban any content which contains topless males showing off their goods which they spent half their lives trying to build to please their fans. Best of all, just ban all western materials from airing and make rules for the locals.

"Whoever caught with anything less than a full buttoned-up shirt and a buckled up pants will be fined a maximum of RM10,000 and(or) not more than 2 years of jail." Cool innit. That's a very mild punishment compared to the fine and jail time for not having your seat belts buckled up.

It'll take me years to point out the flaws of the government but I'd choose not to, as I have much better things to do than getting involved in the game called politics which many adults can't stop playing. And by saying that I don't mean that I don't care about the Malaysian politics. I am Malaysian enough to care about my country, but also smart enough to use my energy on other stuffs than to join demonstrations or shout out to the government about the flaws that needs corrected. It's not like we'll ever be heard anyway.

At times like this, you thank Britney for her great songs. They really take you out of the bad situations you're in.

"Boy don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you are (are are),
Womanizer, Woman....Womanizer, You're A Womanizer, Oh,
Womanizer, Oh, You're A Womanizer, Baby"