The L Word

On this day, most people would be reciting the events which occurred throughout the whole year, events which they think were significant enough to be remembered and recalled. I would do that too, but not today. Cos' I've got better things that have to be told now.

A dropped the L-bomb. Yes, the 'Love' bomb.

Please excuse me while I go catch my breath as I'm still trying to digest this piece of information.

*gasp* *gasp*

OK. So yeah, he told me that he loves me. *swoons*

*slaps myself*

I was quite shocked when he told me that because he never used any word like this before. Not to me at least. Not even the word 'like'. Never said anything nice to me before, and suddenly he tells me that he loves me. In a text, though.

I didn't know how I should react, so I just replied "yeah I know you love me". Not sure if my reply was correct, as the next text from him was "you love me too don't you?". I paused. Paused. And then paused some more. Then I replied "yeah love you too". When I was about to hit the 'reply' button, I remembered that he was in a club. Based on his messages and the amount of typo he made, I was quite sure he was half-drunk, or really, really high. Then I added "are you drunk?" to test if he's drunk and also to change the topic.

He told me that he wasn't drunk and that the typos were because he wasn't using the phone's dictionary. He was only tired and sleepy. I wanted to trust him, but the 'helo' and 'hehe' and 'lol' don't do him justice. And the club-hopping isn't helping.

At that point I didn't know what to do. As much as I'm excited to hear him say the L word, I'm also worried if it meant anything at all. After all, he's half-drunk and I can't expect him to be himself. If I were drunk I would be so much more talkative than I already am when sober and I'll be this happy person where I will go around talking without thinking first. What if he was just high and said it because he thought it was fun? Before I got my hopes too high, I told him I'm busy and couldn't be texting him anymore and told him not to get too drunk.

"ok bye and love you!!" was his reply.

My reply? Nothing. Didn't know if I should text the L word back to him or not, so I thought it was best to not reply. Not a wise choice, but better than him waking up in the morning not knowing what happened last night and with a text from me saying that I love him.

Now I have to wait till he's sober and see if he remembers anything he said.

Christmas'09

Merry Christmas!

Probably 9 hours late(with reference to Malaysian time) but better late than never, right?

Christmas this year is quite happening for me. Had a great evening on Christmas Eve with a friend walking around the city snapping pictures of the city in Christmas decorations and a nice cup of hot latte in Starbucks.

A Christmas-only Toffee-Nut Latte that is! Awesomenesssss.

Will be out for dinner with a group of friends later in the evening. Heard it was either Jap or Korean food. Not sure why people in Asia love to dine in western restaurants during Christmas, whereas my friends here in Russia love to dine in eastern restaurants. It just doesn't feel right. Then again, don't remember any of them celebrated anything(birthdays, New Year, etc.) in a western restaurant.

Maybe it's their cheenaness. I really think so.

Will be attending a friend's birthday party on Saturday night. Still not sure what to wear tho. All I know is that it's too late to have a haircut now, because it's a golden rule that we cut our hair latest by one week before an event, so that the hair looks more natural.

And there will be a gathering on Sunday evening with another group of friends. Lotsa food's involved in my life, but why am I still losing weight?!

Seems that I'm talking nonsense again. Shall go sleep now, cos' I'll be shopping for said friend's gift tomorrow before dinner. С Рожденством(se, [as in 'se'curity] rozhdenstvom) everyone!

It's Back

Or so I've heard. Winter sales, that is.

I wonder how am I gonna resist the temptation to go on a shopping spree. Not shopping(not even window shopping!) for four months isn't exactly helping. The only thing that's keeping me from leaving home is the cold weather. Was -28 degrees just a few days back!

But that's not gonna hold me for long, as the weather forecast showed that the temperature's gonna rise next week. -4 degrees on Christmas day! No reason to not shop!

And yes, this means that I'm still alive and will continue blogging, although the comeback wasn't great.

Goo-Gaa

WARNING: This entry contains some explicit materials. If you are below 18, leave this page immediately! For those who choose to proceed, remember that you have been warned.

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I think I'm not actually bisexual. Maybe I'm just the regular straight guy who's sometimes confused with his sexuality. Maybe I thought I'm gay because my friends say metrosexuals are gays. Maybe I thought I was gay cos' I was exposed first to the male sexual organ before the female's due to regular visits to the swimming pool when I was younger which required me to hang out alot in the changing room?

So many possibilities out there I don't even know what made me gay. Dayumnn I sound like a pregnant slut not knowing who the father of the unborn child is!

I do not know if it's just me or what but, I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with another man. Like, the very thought of me together with my "boyfriend" having meals, going for movies and shopping makes my stomach upset. Like, TOTALLY grossed out upset. And don't even mention doing anything intimate, I'll really puke. Not sure why, but I don't get such feeling when it comes to girls. Confused straight guy much?

Then something happened recently which made me doubt my gay-ness even more. The housing area at my place has a private club house, gym and pool. When you look out the windows of the gym you can see what's going on in the pool. So one evening, I was in the gym and when I look out of the windows, I saw a smokin' hot Caucasian man playing in the pool with his two sons. I was momentarily transported to the future where I have my own kids and we lead a very, very happy life. Problem is, there's no "significant other" in the picture. No daddy, no mommy. Just me and my son and daughter. Weird. Now before you say that those kids might be adopted, I can assure you that they're 100% fertilised using my *ahem* seeds *ahem*.

Kids!! Now I haven't seen gay parents(is there even any, knowing that the law still doesn't approve gay couples to adopt?) before but I think most gays are more interested in night clubs and sweaty sex and dirty orgies and bling-blings and Prada and Gucci(when they're in their 20s-30s) compared to kids? And there don't seem to be much gays in their 40s, 50s, and so on because love isn't the top 'priority' among gay couples so most of them break up when the party days are over and they just hide in the jungles regretting their mistakes? I may be wrong but I'm sure I'm right in some points because, no offence, the gays seem more like sex addicts than lovely people to me. And I'm stating this based on facts. Ask anyone where to find gay people and they'll say "gay clubs", "local gym", and "public pool". And the reason they're there? You and I both know.

So you really can't blame me when I say that the gays don't look like kids-loving people to me.

So yeah, unless I get a surrogate mother, the only way I think I could conceive my own children is to get married with a woman which I'm not sure I'm capable of doing because I'm a commitment phobe.

At the end of the day, I still can't tell if I'm bi or a confused straight. Can't deny the fact that I enjoy looking at hot men but to imagine myself with another man is just too much. Hot men envy perhaps? Like how girls experience penis envy?

Perhaps it's time I seek help from a professional. What do you guys think?

2 Months

In less than two weeks' time, I'll be boarding the plane back to Moscow and begin my life as a forth year medical student.

I've already been back in KL for 2 months now. Not too short, but not exactly a long holiday too. Haven't done much for the past 2 months, besides those I've mentioned previously.

Life was OK back in July when all the friends are back in KL and we would meet up so often till my mom had to hold me back, telling me I'm spending too much money outside and spending too little time at home. Then came August. Some friends left, some had plans with their other friends, some had to return to their Unis, and I was left alone with nothing to do. I was(and still am!) so bored that I thought it made no difference spending my summer break in KL or in Moscow, besides that in Moscow I get more freedom. And more allowance!

But one can never compare home with the outside world, no? No matter how good the outside world is, it can never be, and can never feel, as good as being at home.

But boredom is driving me crazy!!! Any suggestion on how to spend the last two weeks in KL?

Bits #2

Many things are going on with my personal life right now, and it'd probably be awhile before I blog again.

Anyway, before the long leave, I'll update you guys with the things I've done up till now since I came back to KL:

- I went to 'Urbanscapes 2009' which was held in KLPAC last month. I had an awkward tan after being exposed under the sun for more than 5 hours, but it(the event) was great!

- Went on a family trip last weekend to Pahang for some durian hunting since it's the durian season now. The 'RM1.00 sebiji(each)' or 'RM10 - All You Can Eat' are nowhere near those durians from my cousin's dusun(orchard)!

- Sales is bad! After refraining myself from entering shops whenever I go to the malls for almost a month, I finally lost it and went frenzy over discounted items. Spent about RM500 in two days. The amount might not be big for many for you but for a student like me who's on summer break(which translates no monthly allowance since 'I'm back home and food and lodging is being taken care of', so 'outings with friends and shopping' are considered as 'extra' and they 'should be on no one else other than myself'), I really felt the pain. Then again, I'm just doing my part as a concerned rakyat to help push the economy, so why not?

There has been this song I've listening on the radio for the past few days and it's GOOD. Now, I don't usually listen to the Chinese/Mandarin radio stations but since my family only listens to these stations, there's nothing I can do but to listen too(especially when I was stuck to be with them these few days, but it's not like I'm complaining). So, there's this new song by Amy Wong(王明丽) and it's really, really great. It's been quite awhile since I last heard any good Chinese/Mandarin music produced in BolehLand.



Not like it's a bad thing, but do you guys realise that most(if not all) Chinese/Mandarin songs revolve around love? And that they're usually sad? This is why I rarely listen to Mandarin songs. I'd rather sing along to random songs like Mariah Carey's 'Obsessed' than listening to sad Mandarin songs and my mood ends up hitting rock bottom.

But, if it's Malaysian-made, and it's really good, I don't mind being emo for a week or two.

Good To Be Back

I'm officially done with my exams and am back in the country for my holidays!

It was a painful month, with the endless exams and the exam stress. But they're all history now!

Can't wait to eat all the good food and shop for the best deals!

The Roller Coaster Ride

It may just be me, but I think that you're showing me signs that you're interested.

But if you're interested, why are you giving me different signals every day?

On Monday, you looked at me, smiled, and continued doing whatever you were doing. You acted like I was just an acquaintance and you smiled because you're 'obliged' to do so.

On Tuesday, you acted as if you didn't see me. I was non-existent.

On Wednesday, when I've decided to not care about you anymore, you bump into my face and give me a huge smile. And you'll be looking my way every 5 minutes. It was then that I know I have failed myself because I thought "you were giving me signals that you're interested" and I gave you a chance again.

These events keep repeating themselves. For more than 1.5 years now.

Just when I thought I've given "us" too many chances and that I should really stop hoping, the unexpected events occur. For the first time in 1.5 years, our eyes met each other and did not look away immediately. If I hadn't look away after 5 seconds, I bet it would've lasted longer.

Then, during the party our uni did, you were one of the committee members and your job wasn't to serve food but when it was my turn to get my food, you came forward and served me(and a few others, but you served me first!). And that was the only time you had served food throughout the whole party.

But just when you get my hopes high, you showed me the cold face again.

I was there in the lift this afternoon but you acted like you didn't see me. Maybe you really didn't see me. Maybe you're avoiding me. Maybe you think it's fun to toy around with my feelings. Too many possibilities, and I don't know which is true.

I'm exhausted. I can't keep up with you anymore. I don't know what you want, but as much as I want to ask you, I can't because we're surrounded by "rules" which we're not supposed to break.

If only either of us wouldn't care what people think and say about us. But since it's not going to happen, I suppose the best choice for me is to just give up on "us" and concentrate more on other stuffs.

It will not be easy to kick you out of my system, but I'm sure I'll make it through. Even the addicts can do it, why not me? Besides, you're not as addictive as drugs.

Inactive Mode

I have recently moved into my new residence and there's no internet connection available at the moment. I'll be more inactive than before in my postings.

I apologize and thank everyone for bearing with me. I will try my best to get my own internet, but it won't be anytime soon.

Until I come up with a solution for my problem, I hope you guys don't miss me too much for my absence.

XD

Sign Language Can Be Entertaining

Just a little something I want to share with everyone.



Check out other videos by this user, they're quite entertaining!

30 Years

"Where do you see yourself in 30 years from now?"

That was the question from my Russian Language teacher. We came across this composition where a nephew found his deceased uncle's high school essay in which he was supposed to write what he thought would've happen 30 years later. His uncle wrote about himself getting married with his high school crush, working together, having two kids, etc.. Unfortunately, things did not turn out the way he wanted to as he was killed in WW II.

Anyway, let's get back to the topic.

As I have mentioned earlier, my teacher made us wrote essays in which we have to tell what we think would happen to us 30 years from now. As I held up my pen and started to write, I realised that I was stuck. I couldn't think of anything. My mind was blank.

10 minutes have passed, and I've only managed to write two lines, in Russian. Well, my Russian Language has never been that good, but even if I were to write it in English, the outcome would've been the same. 20 minutes later, I was still on the same line. Besides becoming a doctor and hopefully a specialist in Psychiatry, I couldn't think of anything more to write. Earn big bucks? Own big house(s) and BMWs?

Noticing that I haven't written much on the paper 30 minutes after she initially given us the task, my teacher knew I wasn't going to write any more. So she came to me and said:

"Now, why not you just put the pen down and we can do it verbally. I see that you haven't written much, and I don't think that you're going to write more even if I give you another hour."

At this moment, I panicked. I wasn't expecting this, but I knew I had no choice because I was the one who obviously seem to be not writing anything at all. So I put the pen down on my desk, looked at her, and gave a tiny smile. She looked at me, inhaled, and then proceeded to bombard me with tonnes of questions.

"Where do you see yourself in 30 years from now? Do you have plans to specialize? Do you have plans to own a hospital of your own? Do you want to own houses and cars? Will your parents be living with you? What about your own family, kids?"

Managed to answer all her questions with some corrections in my grammar. Overall, it was OK, though I wasn't quite sure if I'll be driving a BMW 5 series or a Perodua Kancil. Well, that and if I'm going to have a family of my own. I'm very fond of kids, and I do wish to have my own, but I wasn't quite sure about "the other half". Worse case scenario, adoption?

Then again, 2039 is still very, very far away. Right now, I have to concentrate on my studies, get my degree, hopefully survive the internship and specialize in something I'm really interested in. Then I'll start thinking of saving the first million Rupiah Ringgit, the dream home, dream car, and also, the family.

Bits #1

I have been having a sore throat since two Fridays ago and it has manifested into both cough and flu. My nose has stopped dripping mucus like running water from a tap but there's no sign of the cough leaving anytime soon. If they say sit-ups don't help build your abdominal muscles, try coughing. Hard. It's been a week since I started coughing and each time I work up a cough, my abdominal and serratus muscles hurt as though I'm putting them on some hardcore exercise. Give me another week of coughing and I'll get to see my six-packs again. But before you start imagining me with a six-pack, do know that I have six-packs due to the fact that I'm slim and not the fact that I workout.

It's five degrees Celsius here in Moscow and I have my window open but I feel very hot. It's five freaking degrees and I'm actually sweating. My body's screwed up.

Why has no one ever drank Milo after workout instead of protein shakes? In one packet of Milo Fuze(30g), there's more than 4g of protein. That's like a lot right? Try substituting the amount of protein powder you consume a day with Milo, I bet Milo has more protein than shakes! Leaving the caloric values aside, the main reasons why people should consume Milo is that Milo 'brings out the champion in you' and also makes you 'go further'!

I have stopped stalking Sam on Facebook for more than a week now and I think it's a very huge accomplishment, though at times I still have the urge to view his profile and to send him messages.

I've been talking to the ex the past few days and learnt that she went through a lot of things recently. Suddenly felt distant for we had told one another more than once that if we were to ever face difficult situations, we should always let the other one know so that we could work things out. If I did not initiate the conversation, I don't think I'll ever find out about it.

Well, that's it for now, the collection of bits of my life which if blogged independently will be nothing more than just short notes that look meaningless.

Although I don't think putting them all in a single entry would make it mean any more.


P/S: After publishing the post and actually read it on my blog page, I realize that this entry makes no sense at all. I guess I just needed a place to vent. Too many things are happening in life now and I'm trying to cope.

Kill The Lights

I'm sure by now everyone knows about 'Earth Hour'. So, the next Earth Hour will be taking place this Saturday, 28th March 2009 at 2030 hours, local time.

I'm glad both Malaysia and Russia are involved in this activity, although this afternoon was my first time seeing the poster for Earth Hour 2009 in a metro. I think the Russian authorities should have done more publicity on this activity and done it much earlier. Less than a week to Earth Hour and only one poster? Maybe they have posters in the city, I don't know(I rarely go to the city centre now because I no longer have classes anywhere near there), but I have my reservations. After all, Russia only started acknowledging WWF in these recent years. But still, it's better than not joining, right? Russia's the biggest country on earth and I'm sure with its participation in this activity, the amount of energy saved in an hour will be significant.

That is if many people support it lah.

Anyway, in the Malaysian Earth Hour website, there's a list of landmarks which we can vote to go dark on that day. Too bad there's no option for Stadium Putra, Bukit Jalil. Farenheit's having their concert there on the same day, and starts only 30 minutes earlier than Earth Hour! I wonder what happens if Stadium Putra decides to turn off the lights for an hour on that day.

So, Earth Hour 2009. 28th March at 8:30PM local time. Are you on or off?

Encephalopathy - II

Who knew, there's actually a sequel to the previous post!

My greatest apologies for leaving my previous post hanging because I was too tired to continue writing that night(early morning?).

Let's continue from where I've left off, shall we?

I'd say that friendship and family ties are the things I treasure most, though my mom always says that I spend more time with my friends and that I actually treat my friends better than I treat my family. I say it's pure jealousy. =p

But what's life without love? My friends love me, my family loves me, I know. But being a greedy person, I wish to be loved by more than just these people. You know, to be loved by that special someone. That very person who shares more that just common interests. That very person who loves you unconditionally, who holds your hands when you both are out, who kisses you goodbye when you go to work/class, who goes through thick and thin of life with you. That very person whom you can go to bed cuddling and wake up next to in the morning.

That perfect other half who completes you.

It's been several lonely nights. In Malaysia, even though I have the whole room to myself at night, I don't feel lonely at all because I have my family's and my friends' companies in the day, and there are just too many activities going on that I don't even have the time to feel lonely. For the past two-and-a-half years here in Moscow, life had been great too because I was lucky to have great roommates.

If only the third year could be as great.

Few days ago, my roommate moved out of our current residence into another, leaving me and my other two blockmates behind. The first night, I felt kinda relieved some way because this is the first time in three years where I get to have the whole room to myself. I could do anything I want, I can sleep anytime I want without having to worry that the lights would wake my roommate up, and having my sleep uninterrupted. But now, these things don't seem to matter that much anymore. Nothing beats a lonely man sitting in his room facing four walls with no one to talk to.

And at times like this, the non-existence of 'the other half' only makes things worse.

Hah.

Anyway, enough of sad, depressing talks. Let's move on to the more cheerful part of me.

Guess what? I almost spend RM500 on shopping today. Luckily, I only spent RM300 in the end. I think it's the fact that I've only withdrawn the money from the ATM just yesterday(!) and the fear that if I spend too much money my dad's not gonna put anymore money into my bank account till summer that stopped me from splurging.

But RM180 for a pair of boots and a winter jacket! I'm such a loser for not buying but I'd rather be a loser than starve and die. Lol. But if I charge it on the piece of plastic, I'll have both the items AND cash, no?

Darn, if only my mind was clearer then!

Before I end my post, I would like to share parts of conversations which I had with several friends on different occasions which happen to be about the same topic.

Friend#1: Why ah you always buy GQ? What do they have in there?
Me: Er, cos it's like the ONLY men's fashion magazine in Russia?
Friend#1: HUH? Got men's fashion magazines one meh?!

Friend#2: Eh, you're buying GQ again! I've never seen this magazine before, what's it about?
Me: Um, about men's fashion?
Friend#2: Lemme see, lemme see. Wah, so many good looking guys in here! Some of them very hot too! But why ah guys buy such magazines?
Me: Huh? Cos it's about men's fashion?
Friend#2: I don't get it. Why men's magazines only got mens' pics? I thought usually lots of girls' pics?
Me: HUH? This is a fashion magazine, not Playboy.
Friend#3: Hey #2, you didn't know our friend here is gay? That's why he's reading this lah.
Me: WTF. One does not need to be gay to read GQ! Does that mean details is for gay men too?? And I'm not gay!
Friends#2,3: details? Apa tu(What's that)?

Friend#4: Wah, you buy GQ again! I always ask you to lend me to read but you never did! What's it about anyway?
Me: It's men's fashion magazine la. You know, there's Vogue and L'Officiel and Harper's Bazaar for the ladies, right? GQ is the same, just that they're for men.
Friend#4: Oh, but why keep buying lah?
Me: You don't buy Vogue and all??
Friend#4: In Malaysia I buy la. In Russia, for what?
Me: Just because you're in Russia doesn't mean you don't read magazines!
Friend#4: But it's not like we could understand everything they write!
Me: You don't read a fashion magazine, you look!

Encephalopathy

OK, maybe that's too strong a word to use but I do think that I'm suffering from brain injury.

Literally that is.

(Tried 'hyperfunction of the brain' but there wasn't any matching result)

I've been thinking for a very long time now, about myself, relationships, my future, and also very minor things such as getting a new bedspread and getting a new hair colour.

I can't help but think about all sorts of relationships. Family ties, friendships, love. From young, my siblings and I have been taught to appreciate all our relatives(be it my uncles, my aunts, grandparents, cousins) because they're the closest to family after my parents and siblings. I'm glad we were brought up in such a way because many, if not most, of my friends don't share such a close relationship with their relatives. My cousins and I grew up together. We used to play masak-masak when we were young, and when we got older, we would go to the cinemas for movies, hang out in McD's(somehow, they aren't fans of Sri Murni or any other mamak of that sort), or just walk around in malls. Now that we're adults, most of us are scattered all around the world, some to pursue higher education, and some to work for a better living. We may not be able to see each other that often anymore now but thank God there are Facebook, MSN and also Skype to keep us connected.

Friendship used to be something I treasure very much because they're sweet like cotton candies but as we grow up, we're exposed to the ugly truths. Turns out, friendships aren't as innocent as I thought they were, and definitely not as sweet! When we were young, friends seem to be everything to us, because they're always there when we need them, they're trustworthy, reliable, and most importantly, they will never betray you. But then again these things only happen because we were kids. We were stupid.

It's so hard to open up to people these days without worrying that they'll use these information against you in the future. It's hard to trust people because they're hypocrites, two-faced. Tell them a secret at 10am and the whole world will know about it by 10:05am. So much for being 'friends'. And it's even harder to please everyone you know, because everyone thinks differently from you. Say you're friends with A and B, but A and B don't like one another. Imagine being in the same class with both of them five days a week. You're considered lucky if you are still sane by weekend because you'd to endure listening to all the bad-mouthing about one another the whole week. And you're really damn lucky because they didn't make you pick a side to stand. If they do, might as well ask them to put a bullet in your head.

The things we have to go through as adults. Sigh.

iStrip

OK, that sounds wrong but that's what I saw on the net!

On Apple's App Store, to be precise.

Just few days back, I was browsing the iTunes Store in hope of getting a Russian-English dictionary so that I don't have to drag my very thick dictionary everywhere I go. Especially not in the cold winters!

Being a cheapskate person, the first section I browsed was the 'Top Free Apps'. I've always known that no one in this world is kind enough to spend so much effort on a mobile dictionary and putting it up on the net to be downloaded for free, but deep down I've also been hoping that there are such kind persons on earth. Maybe not putting it up for free but probably make it work in a way such that the dictionary can only be accessed when it's connected to the net? That way people get to choose to either pay a price to use the dictionary offline or use the free version by connecting to the net.

Anyway, back to iStrip. I cannot believe my eyes when this App is actually in the top ten of the free Apps category! I don't know about you but I don't see how anyone can be 'entertained' by a 3D figure stripping in an iPhone or iPod. Not to mention the stains when things become messy. I'd never trade my precious iPod for temporary pleasure.

Heck, that's not even pleasure to begin with!

After several futile attempts to get a freeware, I gave up and went searching for the dictionary in the paid Apps category. And many different types of dictionaries did I find. Everything's about business huh?

So, if you guys have the free time, just go to the iTunes Store and you'll be fascinated by the amount of useless Apps they have there. And while you're at it, check out iGirl-At Your Command and iFart too.

We're Dunzo

It's been a year.

The very first time I looked at you, you were angel to my eyes. I thought that we could give us both a chance, a chance to make our lives better.

We tried, and we tried. People around us think that we're not meant for one another but we didn't care. We tried.

But the truth always prevails. It was only a short course of six months and I've started feeling bored spending time with you. We both knew I was the problem. I tend to become bored of something very fast, and it's just a matter of time before I set my eyes on something else. I started seeing you less, and I even skipped several dates just to avoid the question.

"Are we breaking up?"

I wanted to but I just couldn't bring myself to tell you that. It's not like you'd approve anyway.

Another six months passed, and finally, we sat down and talked about the problem between us. We both agreed that we weren't meant for one another, and that no matter how much we both try, we'll never turn out the way we want it to be. It's too late. We couldn't buy the time we've lost, but we surely can have better lives if we let one another go.

It was a hard decision to make, but we finally decided that letting one another go would be the best choice for the both of us. You could search for someone that genuinely loves you, and I could reassess myself so that I do not make the same mistake in the future.

We may not be the best match, but it wasn't all too bad having you as company for the past year. At least you never complain, Microbiology!

Metrosexualo

A metrosexual: is a modern, usually single man who's cool, smart, attractive, taking care of his appearance, cultured and up to date with the latest styles, that confuses some guys when it comes to his sexuality. But he's so secure in his masculinity that he doesn't care.

I think that's the best description of 'metrosexual' I've ever come across. I'm very familiar with 'modern', 'taking care of his appearance' and 'confuses some guys when it comes to his sexuality' but to include 'he's so secure in his masculinity that he doesn't care' really takes the word 'metrosexual' to a higher level.

But then again, people would label metrosexuals as gay men as most people have the perception that 'only gay men take good care of their appearance and are up to date with the latest fashion'. What the guys forget is that no matter how they go around telling people that metrosexuals are gay men, they secretly envy the way metrosexuals present themselves with flawless skin and dressing up in the best styles; as for the girls, they think that metrosexuals are gay men but still, they want their boyfriends to take fashion tips from metrosexuals, and they even buy GQ, details and Men's Health magazines for their boyfriends so they could dress up like gay men metrosexuals.

As for me, I really don't care if people say that I'm a metrosexual today and a gay man tomorrow. All I know is that the guys come to me for fashion tips(though I'm not as updated now as I used to before. I blame med school for leeching all the time away!) and the girls love to have me around when they shop because they know that I'm one of the very few people around who's able to fix a wardrobe malfunction.

Metrosexual or gay? It really doesn't matter that much.

It's Not Over

It may be just me but I've somehow stumbled upon some information which leads me to thinking that perhaps I was right all along. It wasn't the gaydar that was faulty, but the target.

Being a Muslim, he has to choose to have a relationship with a woman, but deep down in his heart he knows that this isn't what he wants, which is why he's always uncertain about things and has caused me to receive mixed signals from him.

A status update in his Facebook made me wonder who is he referring "die(slang for 'dia' in Malay, which means 'he/she')" to.

"Aku suka die(I like him/her)."

It could be anyone, but at 3 in the morning, I subconsciously hope that the person is me.

Perhaps, I've never really let him go but just "put into a small box and kept it away".

Skinneh Jeans

For Christ's sake, can someone tell me what's wrong with guys wearing skinny jeans?

I was at class yesterday and a female friend(FF) looked at me (with horror) and asked:

FF: Is that skinny jeans you're wearing?!?!?!?!?
Me: Urh....no. It's a pair of slim jeans, if you really need to know.
FF: Don't lie! I know it's a pair of skinny jeans!
Me: Um... It REALLY is a pair of slim jeans. Skinny jeans tend to hug on your legs more, whereas slim jeans are well, for slim people like me so that we don't look too disproportionate like we do when we wear straight-cut jeans. They DON'T hug our legs. Besides, my legs are too fat to fit into skinny jeans.
FF: *looking suspicious* ........really?? But I tell you, guys shouldn't wear these type of jeans lah! They make guys look gay. UNLESS, the guy is tall and has long, slender legs.
Me: *stares at her*
FF: But you're tall la actually. But still don't wear skinny jeans la OK? They look very awful and gay.
ME: ..............

It must be the air everyone's breathing here. Somehow, none of the Malaysian students here in Moscow have any sense in fashion at all. Even I who used to have some knowledge in fashion became very much inhibited now because of the people I mix around with for the past two-and-a-half years.

Me wearing a black, full-framed glasses. Gay.

Me having a ear piercing. Gay.

Me dressing up for occasions(eg: Christmas, CNY). Gay.

Me loving shopping. Gay.

Me having not just a facial wash but also a moisturizer and toner. Gay.

Me owning lots of clothes and footwear. Gay.

With all these negative comments on whatever I do/wear, it's amazing how I'm still surviving till this very day.

Oh, because I dress down so much now to please the crowd. That's why.

Seriously, if you dare to even tell me that skinny jeans are horrendous, I ask you to explain to me why did you dress up all green from top to bottom(even your bag is green) when it's not Christmas? Did someone tell you that you would photosynthesize if you do so?

Seriously.