Hi, I'm back online!
Whatever.
I need to blog. My head's gonna blow up if I don't blog soon.
Things are so complicated. Does it always has to be the bi boys who gets into trouble? I'm sick of all this already.
Anyway, to make things simple from now on, the guy whom I 'dated' back in Malaysia is officially known as 'Leo', the Malay guy as 'Sam' and the Indian guy as 'Sean'.
So, things were good between me and Leo. But last week, he stopped messaging me after I teased him. Never knew the reason, but hopefully it's not because I said that he's as fat as a pig. Not that he's fat, mind you, but I countered him cos' he said I sleep like a pig. Always wanted to message him but I don't wanna disturb him since he's busy lately. Sigh.
Sam had fever few days back. Should've gone to visit him but I was never his friend you see, it'd be weird if I were to appear knocking at his room door. He's feeling better now and is able to tegur sapa with me, but I feel bad not asking how he'd been doing.
Sigh.
As for Sean, he's as cold as always. Always talk to anyone but me. Is it because I'm always putting on that serious look? Or is it because he doesn't fucking care about my existence? A smile or a 'Hi' wouldn't kill you, boy. Don't say I've never tried being friendly. I've tried smiling at you when me meet, said loads of 'Hi's, but you never smiled back, never 'Hi'-ed back. Never.
This fucking sucks. And to make things worse, my ex gave me a book by Mitch Albom titled 'For One More Day'. Highlighted some stuff in the book for me because I "didn't get her messages when she gave me 'Tuesdays With Morrie'".
"You were busy.".
"Even if girls find you handsome, it's not a license to be mean. Be nice.".
"You can find something truly important in a minute.".
"You should never let your past disappear.".
"You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.".
I wasn't busy. I was quick to begin a relationship with you, not knowing that I'm not prepared. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't prepared for commitments. I escaped. And I never came back.
People don't know what's important to them until they've lose it. I wasn't an exception. I gave up on our relationship. I called it quits, the reason being "me pursuing studies overseas" and "long distance relationships don't work". It was an excuse, and a very bad one. After we broke up, I realised how important you are to me, but I could never race you back, for you've entrusted your heart to someone else.
I've tried forgetting about the past but I can't. I kept the memories in a box and hid it somewhere in the bottom of my mind, but no matter how heavy it weighs, it never fails to resurface. It hurts, even now.
You know what type of person I am since the day we got together. I never let people come close to me, I never grant anyone access to my heart. It's part of who I am, either you accept this package or you ask for a refund.
It's sad that the way we broke up was a mess and that both of us suffered from the impact for some time, but if I'm given a chance, I'll surely set things right.
"Things can be fixed", no?
Whatever.
I need to blog. My head's gonna blow up if I don't blog soon.
Things are so complicated. Does it always has to be the bi boys who gets into trouble? I'm sick of all this already.
Anyway, to make things simple from now on, the guy whom I 'dated' back in Malaysia is officially known as 'Leo', the Malay guy as 'Sam' and the Indian guy as 'Sean'.
So, things were good between me and Leo. But last week, he stopped messaging me after I teased him. Never knew the reason, but hopefully it's not because I said that he's as fat as a pig. Not that he's fat, mind you, but I countered him cos' he said I sleep like a pig. Always wanted to message him but I don't wanna disturb him since he's busy lately. Sigh.
Sam had fever few days back. Should've gone to visit him but I was never his friend you see, it'd be weird if I were to appear knocking at his room door. He's feeling better now and is able to tegur sapa with me, but I feel bad not asking how he'd been doing.
Sigh.
As for Sean, he's as cold as always. Always talk to anyone but me. Is it because I'm always putting on that serious look? Or is it because he doesn't fucking care about my existence? A smile or a 'Hi' wouldn't kill you, boy. Don't say I've never tried being friendly. I've tried smiling at you when me meet, said loads of 'Hi's, but you never smiled back, never 'Hi'-ed back. Never.
This fucking sucks. And to make things worse, my ex gave me a book by Mitch Albom titled 'For One More Day'. Highlighted some stuff in the book for me because I "didn't get her messages when she gave me 'Tuesdays With Morrie'".
"You were busy.".
"Even if girls find you handsome, it's not a license to be mean. Be nice.".
"You can find something truly important in a minute.".
"You should never let your past disappear.".
"You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.".
I wasn't busy. I was quick to begin a relationship with you, not knowing that I'm not prepared. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't prepared for commitments. I escaped. And I never came back.
People don't know what's important to them until they've lose it. I wasn't an exception. I gave up on our relationship. I called it quits, the reason being "me pursuing studies overseas" and "long distance relationships don't work". It was an excuse, and a very bad one. After we broke up, I realised how important you are to me, but I could never race you back, for you've entrusted your heart to someone else.
I've tried forgetting about the past but I can't. I kept the memories in a box and hid it somewhere in the bottom of my mind, but no matter how heavy it weighs, it never fails to resurface. It hurts, even now.
You know what type of person I am since the day we got together. I never let people come close to me, I never grant anyone access to my heart. It's part of who I am, either you accept this package or you ask for a refund.
It's sad that the way we broke up was a mess and that both of us suffered from the impact for some time, but if I'm given a chance, I'll surely set things right.
"Things can be fixed", no?
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