Bye

Hey guys, due to some circumstances, I will not be able to update this blog anymore.

It's been a great four years posting new entries here and getting comments on my posts.

Bye all.

For 3 weeks!

I'll be leaving for winter holidays in the UK, so I won't be able to post since I won't be having internet connection over there. Don't miss me, 3 weeks isn't that long.

;P

So I was right. He really was drunk that night.

But I shouldn't be feeling anything at all, right? After all, I wasn't expecting anything from him.

The L Word

On this day, most people would be reciting the events which occurred throughout the whole year, events which they think were significant enough to be remembered and recalled. I would do that too, but not today. Cos' I've got better things that have to be told now.

A dropped the L-bomb. Yes, the 'Love' bomb.

Please excuse me while I go catch my breath as I'm still trying to digest this piece of information.

*gasp* *gasp*

OK. So yeah, he told me that he loves me. *swoons*

*slaps myself*

I was quite shocked when he told me that because he never used any word like this before. Not to me at least. Not even the word 'like'. Never said anything nice to me before, and suddenly he tells me that he loves me. In a text, though.

I didn't know how I should react, so I just replied "yeah I know you love me". Not sure if my reply was correct, as the next text from him was "you love me too don't you?". I paused. Paused. And then paused some more. Then I replied "yeah love you too". When I was about to hit the 'reply' button, I remembered that he was in a club. Based on his messages and the amount of typo he made, I was quite sure he was half-drunk, or really, really high. Then I added "are you drunk?" to test if he's drunk and also to change the topic.

He told me that he wasn't drunk and that the typos were because he wasn't using the phone's dictionary. He was only tired and sleepy. I wanted to trust him, but the 'helo' and 'hehe' and 'lol' don't do him justice. And the club-hopping isn't helping.

At that point I didn't know what to do. As much as I'm excited to hear him say the L word, I'm also worried if it meant anything at all. After all, he's half-drunk and I can't expect him to be himself. If I were drunk I would be so much more talkative than I already am when sober and I'll be this happy person where I will go around talking without thinking first. What if he was just high and said it because he thought it was fun? Before I got my hopes too high, I told him I'm busy and couldn't be texting him anymore and told him not to get too drunk.

"ok bye and love you!!" was his reply.

My reply? Nothing. Didn't know if I should text the L word back to him or not, so I thought it was best to not reply. Not a wise choice, but better than him waking up in the morning not knowing what happened last night and with a text from me saying that I love him.

Now I have to wait till he's sober and see if he remembers anything he said.

Christmas'09

Merry Christmas!

Probably 9 hours late(with reference to Malaysian time) but better late than never, right?

Christmas this year is quite happening for me. Had a great evening on Christmas Eve with a friend walking around the city snapping pictures of the city in Christmas decorations and a nice cup of hot latte in Starbucks.

A Christmas-only Toffee-Nut Latte that is! Awesomenesssss.

Will be out for dinner with a group of friends later in the evening. Heard it was either Jap or Korean food. Not sure why people in Asia love to dine in western restaurants during Christmas, whereas my friends here in Russia love to dine in eastern restaurants. It just doesn't feel right. Then again, don't remember any of them celebrated anything(birthdays, New Year, etc.) in a western restaurant.

Maybe it's their cheenaness. I really think so.

Will be attending a friend's birthday party on Saturday night. Still not sure what to wear tho. All I know is that it's too late to have a haircut now, because it's a golden rule that we cut our hair latest by one week before an event, so that the hair looks more natural.

And there will be a gathering on Sunday evening with another group of friends. Lotsa food's involved in my life, but why am I still losing weight?!

Seems that I'm talking nonsense again. Shall go sleep now, cos' I'll be shopping for said friend's gift tomorrow before dinner. С Рожденством(se, [as in 'se'curity] rozhdenstvom) everyone!

It's Back

Or so I've heard. Winter sales, that is.

I wonder how am I gonna resist the temptation to go on a shopping spree. Not shopping(not even window shopping!) for four months isn't exactly helping. The only thing that's keeping me from leaving home is the cold weather. Was -28 degrees just a few days back!

But that's not gonna hold me for long, as the weather forecast showed that the temperature's gonna rise next week. -4 degrees on Christmas day! No reason to not shop!

And yes, this means that I'm still alive and will continue blogging, although the comeback wasn't great.

Goo-Gaa

WARNING: This entry contains some explicit materials. If you are below 18, leave this page immediately! For those who choose to proceed, remember that you have been warned.

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I think I'm not actually bisexual. Maybe I'm just the regular straight guy who's sometimes confused with his sexuality. Maybe I thought I'm gay because my friends say metrosexuals are gays. Maybe I thought I was gay cos' I was exposed first to the male sexual organ before the female's due to regular visits to the swimming pool when I was younger which required me to hang out alot in the changing room?

So many possibilities out there I don't even know what made me gay. Dayumnn I sound like a pregnant slut not knowing who the father of the unborn child is!

I do not know if it's just me or what but, I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with another man. Like, the very thought of me together with my "boyfriend" having meals, going for movies and shopping makes my stomach upset. Like, TOTALLY grossed out upset. And don't even mention doing anything intimate, I'll really puke. Not sure why, but I don't get such feeling when it comes to girls. Confused straight guy much?

Then something happened recently which made me doubt my gay-ness even more. The housing area at my place has a private club house, gym and pool. When you look out the windows of the gym you can see what's going on in the pool. So one evening, I was in the gym and when I look out of the windows, I saw a smokin' hot Caucasian man playing in the pool with his two sons. I was momentarily transported to the future where I have my own kids and we lead a very, very happy life. Problem is, there's no "significant other" in the picture. No daddy, no mommy. Just me and my son and daughter. Weird. Now before you say that those kids might be adopted, I can assure you that they're 100% fertilised using my *ahem* seeds *ahem*.

Kids!! Now I haven't seen gay parents(is there even any, knowing that the law still doesn't approve gay couples to adopt?) before but I think most gays are more interested in night clubs and sweaty sex and dirty orgies and bling-blings and Prada and Gucci(when they're in their 20s-30s) compared to kids? And there don't seem to be much gays in their 40s, 50s, and so on because love isn't the top 'priority' among gay couples so most of them break up when the party days are over and they just hide in the jungles regretting their mistakes? I may be wrong but I'm sure I'm right in some points because, no offence, the gays seem more like sex addicts than lovely people to me. And I'm stating this based on facts. Ask anyone where to find gay people and they'll say "gay clubs", "local gym", and "public pool". And the reason they're there? You and I both know.

So you really can't blame me when I say that the gays don't look like kids-loving people to me.

So yeah, unless I get a surrogate mother, the only way I think I could conceive my own children is to get married with a woman which I'm not sure I'm capable of doing because I'm a commitment phobe.

At the end of the day, I still can't tell if I'm bi or a confused straight. Can't deny the fact that I enjoy looking at hot men but to imagine myself with another man is just too much. Hot men envy perhaps? Like how girls experience penis envy?

Perhaps it's time I seek help from a professional. What do you guys think?

2 Months

In less than two weeks' time, I'll be boarding the plane back to Moscow and begin my life as a forth year medical student.

I've already been back in KL for 2 months now. Not too short, but not exactly a long holiday too. Haven't done much for the past 2 months, besides those I've mentioned previously.

Life was OK back in July when all the friends are back in KL and we would meet up so often till my mom had to hold me back, telling me I'm spending too much money outside and spending too little time at home. Then came August. Some friends left, some had plans with their other friends, some had to return to their Unis, and I was left alone with nothing to do. I was(and still am!) so bored that I thought it made no difference spending my summer break in KL or in Moscow, besides that in Moscow I get more freedom. And more allowance!

But one can never compare home with the outside world, no? No matter how good the outside world is, it can never be, and can never feel, as good as being at home.

But boredom is driving me crazy!!! Any suggestion on how to spend the last two weeks in KL?